Like detours around troubled bridges

I have experienced unfavorable driving conditions in my lifetime. I've been trapped for over an hour in clogged Chicago traffic in the cramped cab of a Chevy S-10 sans air conditioning in August. Another traffic jam in Toronto was caused by the arrival of an unexpected elephant. Tour bus rides through Boston shaved years off my life after encounters with motorcycles, bridges and irrational pedestrians. Wyoming County traffic complaints usually focus on getting stuck behind morning buses, tractors and the infrequent cow crossing. Friends visiting from the city will scream with frustration from our established habit of waiting to enter traffic if we can even see a hint of an approaching vehicle in the distance. But lately, Wyoming County residents have several valid reasons to legitimately witch about road conditions.



Bridge #1

Bridge #2

Consider this: Amy Mosiman exits her driveway (after patiently waiting for a Chevy Impala spotted an 1/8 of a mile away to pass by) and turns left, turning up the radio to drown out the hole in her muffler. As she considers the ironic irrelevancy of Adam Levine's lyrics about the antiquated payphone, she encounters a "road closed" sign as a construction crew stares serenely from the bridge they intend to repair. She sighs and turns around. At the opposite end of her road, she is confronted with the identical scenario. She is now traveling in a perpendicular fashion as she cannot differentiate north, south, east and west. She has almost made it successfully to work when, you guessed it, another bridge is out, a mere hundred feet or so from her employment. A student of "The Dukes of Hazzard," Amy briefly debates the merits of launching her Ford Ranger up and over this annoying obstacle but fortunately remembers that the last time she'd been foolish enough to take Ranger over a bumpy road, she'd left the exhaust system  in the dust. Let's try this again. She backtracks a bit and tries another approach only to find a fourth bridge out. Is this a joke?
Tonight, Savannah and I loaded up the dachshund and set out on a journey of documentation for the Doubting-Thomases of the blogging world. Taking pictures of closed bridges is not as pathetically boring as one might initially think. We commiserated with some passersby who, on the bright side,
realized they could walk right down the middle of the road. The construction crew left their machinery invitingly road-side so we fulfilled Chlo's dream of riding one. At our third bridge, I decided to set a mood. "Look sad," I coaxed my little dog as we sat by a sandbag. Incapable of looking sad, Chlo instead scampered toward immediate danger, nearly plunging three feet to her detriment. The fourth bridge (this is beginning to sound like a video game journey where we should be collecting gold coins) was
a traumatic nightmare.

Through the looking glass of Savannah's windshield.
We were afraid we'd be rendered blind if we looked
to the right.

As we pulled up, a suspicious-looking man turned away from our car, turning toward the steel building next to him. Suddenly, it dawned on us. The creek beneath the debunked bridge wasn't the only thing flowing. Our presence did not seem to inhibit our public pee-er at all. "Oh my goodness, oh my goodness," I cried, "Turn around, turn around." "No," Savannah said, realizing that a well-executed three-point turn would have us parked in front of this urinating exhibitionist like we were patrons of "Sonic" (Please notice my writer's restraint as I steer away from the obvious pun of ordering a foot long). "Just take the picture through the window and let's go," I begged, crouching down in my seat. Not one to
let a little pee get in her way, Savannah was nonetheless ready to plunge ahead with our plans but I was just too mortified.

There are two bridges out to the west of me. Two bridges out to the east. One bridge is out to the south of me and another one to the north. The detours resulting from this fiasco has more than doubled my four-mile drive-time to work. Was it absolutely necessary, safety-wise or economically, to systematically shut down the entire south side of Wyoming County?  But obviously, there is a bigger issue at work here. The stress from this inconvenience has evidently rendered some of our residents incontinent. I will be so relieved when these bridges are operational again.