I prep my kids HARD. "If the water is running, it's a river," I scold, "If it's wide and wavy, you're looking at a Great Lake." I threaten that if I hear the words Mississippi or Hudson escape anyone's lips when the guide asks which river runs along the fort, I will shake them like a maraca. "Lake ON-tario is ON TOP OF Lake Erie," I shout, "Do NOT be fooled." I warn, knowing that they'll be asked about the body of water behind the fort. My nine-year-olds can rattle off the tribes of the Iroquois Confederacy with the easy familiarity of their Pokemon characters, list all of the Great Lakes, and place a solemn hand over their hearts in response to the question, "Why were the waterways important during the French & Indian War and the Revolutionary War?" before replying, "He who controlled the water, controlled the war." Don't even TRY to test them when asking about the critter that triggered the French & Indian War. Only a "dam" fool "wood" miss that! Is the question still "gnawing" at you? "Stick" with it, you'll figure it out.
Katriel and I arrived at the fort before the buses. We checked in, finalized counts, and met with the guides. We were down one tour guide so we quickly divided my class into thirds to distribute into the other established groups. All this was smoothly and successfully accomplished so that when the buses parked, students disembarked to immediately begin their tours.
We normally are able to enjoy this field trip a little longer but, this year, we ran into a host of problems that forced us to make some tough decisions: Nix it or abbreviate it. We still delighted in the fort but I was devastated that we had to miss a lot of my favorite spots. Our leisurely lunch along the shore of Lake Ontario had to be sacrificed so that the kids could purchase rock candy, stuffies, and key chains. "You don't drive," I pointed out to one customer as I helped bag souvenirs. He shrugged, pragmatically. "Whatever I don't spend, I have to give back to my mom." Government finance at work, folks. I pointed out the Pepsi cooler to him but he'd spotted the assortment of fabricated gems to finish off his twenty buck allotment. Except he (like EVERY 4th grader in line) forgot to factor in tax. SLOWEST LINE EVER.
Time to go.
Katriel and I stayed with the buses until we hit the main highway and then, as usual, planned to go ahead to be able to meet them as they arrive back at the school. I typically jump whenever the radio or one of our phones go off because I'm certain that one of my biggest fears is being realized: We left a student behind.
Distress call #1 came in: A bag had accidentally been swept out the bus window.
We considered ignoring that one until we learned that there was money in the bag as well.
We turned around just as Distress call #2 came in: A cell phone had been left at the fort.
Fortunately, we weren't an unreasonable distance from Old Fort Niagara.
We hit Lost & Found.
Nope.
Katriel searched the bathroom. I revisited the souvenir shop...I spent extra time around the Pepsi cooler.
Nope.
We headed to our little picnic area. Katriel called the number, hoping we'd hear it ring amidst the grass and picnic tables. Imagine her surprise when a familiar voice answered her call. How fun! The missing cell phone had been hidden in a secret pocket all along!
Okay. On to our next quest.
"This is a one way street," Katriel told me as we attempted to exit the fort's grounds. By now, I had had it. "It'll be fine," I told her as we crawled slowly along, carefully maneuvering the empty lane before encountering a closed gate at the end. Katriel sighed as I shoo-ed her out. "Think of it like a cattle gate," I yelled at her as she unlocked it before swinging it open for me to pass through.
We returned to the Robert Moses Parkway, scanning both sides of the two lane road carefully. Those litter laws really need to be enforced more. Holy smokes, people are pigs. After several false alarms, we thought we had it. Again, Katriel was shoo-ed from the vehicle. Like an adorable version of "Frogger," she scurried across the highway and then began meticulously searching the meridian. No dice. Just road-kill, cans, and clutter.
We arrived back to school, slightly defeated.
"It was still a nice day," Katriel reflected, "No one got sick or hurt. The biggest inconvenience was a lost bag. I'm going to call it a win."
We'd just turned onto the road leading to the school, passing a strange line-up at the stop sign. "Why is that truck so close to the bus in front of it?" Katriel wondered. "Why is the front of the truck wedged up UNDER the bus in front of it?" I asked. "Isn't that one of our chaperones?" Katriel said, worriedly, as we watched students exiting the bus and the poor driver of the truck slouched down in his seat to avoid all of their interested stares.
We successfully pulled into our parking spot. "Maybe not a win," I amended. "Let's call it a draw."
We started unloading the vehicle. "Ya know," I said, "based on this trip, we've chosen the wrong fort. Instead of Old Fort Niagara, we should have gone to Fort Knox."
Katriel scowled at me. "The only job I ever see Old Fort Niagara giving you in retirement would be manning the cannons. And then you would get fired."
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