Sermon Notes: Jimmy Fallon-style

Due to a severe case of undiagnosed attention problems, I often have to utilize sermon notes to stay on task during Sunday service. Depending on my sliding scale of sustainability, ranging from a 1 ("Squirrel!") to a 5 ("The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side."), my sermon notes are either near-publishable gems of theology or cartoonish drivel. Today I ranked in at about a 1/2. 

My pastor is an engaging, charismatic speaker. His topics are relevant and meaningful. Shallow and self-centered, I was only able to stay with him for approximately three minutes before I paused to admire the perfectly-placed barrette of the blonde seated in front of me, her attention riveted on Pastor Todd's profound message. I inventoried the sanctuary's lighting fixtures before fighting my way back to the sermon topic of "thanks giving." 

As Pastor Todd began the familiar tale of the ten lepers, I inexplicably began thinking of "The Tonight Show" and Jimmy Fallon's comic bit of "Thank you notes." Sydney just got me a published book on his compiled thank you's not long ago. So pleased was I, with my completed sketch, that I decided to embark on a series of biblically-related thank you notes. I considered consulting with Pastor Todd but he was still a bit occupied with delivering his message so I ventured out on my own.

My next sketch went Old Testament-style. I kept my "Dear Jesus," intro regardless of the fact that He wasn't born in human-form until New Testament time. Technically, He's been present since the beginning. Did you think God was just proselytizing when he was talking about making man in "our" image. No, God DID NOT have a mouse in his pocket...Jesus was there. Anyhoo, along came Jonah. Before I knew it, service was over. I regretfully closed my sermon journal and stood up to leave, my mind still whirling with all the potential bible-based thank you notes out there. So many things to be thankful for...walking on water, feeding the five thousand, a talking ass, the Red Sea. Outwardly, I may not look like I'm your typical congregation member but believe me, despite my unconventional approach, consider the message: received.