"You do realize, don't you, that you guys have been searching for your so-called chapstick cozy for over forty-five minutes?" Savannah sighed, incredulously bored yet admittedly fascinated regarding the lengths Sydney and I will go to acquire Joan the perfect present. A present that reflects the perfect balance of we care about you and we want to make fun of you. Following Joan's recent chapstick catastrophe, we knew we had a winner.
"Do they even sell chapstick cozies?" Sydney wondered, doubting me as usual. "Of course they do," I responded confidently. This time, I actually WAS confident as I had remembered sporting a ski jacket with a handy little chapstick cozy dangling from my zippered pocket. It was plausible that I was hallucinating this memory as I don't ski but as Jimmy states in Blades of Glory, "If you can dream it, you can do it!" Buy a chapstick cozy, that is.
It turns out that there are a LOT of chapstick cozies out there. One to match any person's style or personality. Doilied, embroidered, bedazzled, glittered, plain, fancy, sophisticated, understated, and yes...leather-crafted. Score!
Our enthusiasm almost limited our vision when we stumbled onto the handmade cowhide snap-close containers with a spirit animal etched lovingly upon it. And while we were disappointed that it didn't have a retractable zip-line attachment, we decided that that wouldn't be a deal breaker. After all. according to the product description, the tube shape holder perfectly holds your daily vitamin pills or your personal secrets. "Does Joan have chapstick-sized personal secrets?" Sydney wondered. "Well...now she has a place to put them!" I said happily. Who needs a retractable zip-line when you have a place to stash your personal secrets?
Our argument narrowing down color selection was brief as Joan is more of an earth-tone girl. "Teal's too flashy," I insisted, "unless she's taking it to Vegas." But was Joan's spirit animal more hawk or bull? Do we honor her agrarian roots or her soaring spirit? Her work ethic and fiscal responsibility or her predatory nature and excellent eyesight? Savannah, demonstrating admirable restraint, was refusing to contribute her opinion to this mind-boggling decision. We needed a break. "Are you kidding me?" Savannah gasped. "You've been debating this for almost an hour. Just CHOOSE one!" Ignoring her, we amused ourselves by reading customer comments, questions, and reviews. We were really struck with the precision employed in the craftsmanship of this product. When asked about the dimensions of the interior, the seller responded, "Chapstick-sized." But it was while we were enjoying our little brain-break that we inadvertently stumbled onto a THIRD spirit animal! The giant panda! Despite Joan's confrontation with the docent at the San Diego panda enclosure, she LOVES this animal! It was as if fate had intervened. "Thank goodness," Savannah said as we clicked Buy Now. "Remind me never to go with you guys when it's time to buy a car."
"Wow," Joan said a couple of weeks later. "This is...great." I beamed, showing her the features. Snap enclosure. Chapstick-sized interior. Leather craftsmanship. "You can attach it to a zipper," I told her. She examined her gift happily, fiddling with the top. "What are you doing?" I asked her. Joan paused, eyeing the key chain. "I was just thinking that maybe I could add a retractable clip."
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