October: "Maybe now we can begin planning for Geri's retirement party," I started to suggest before it was lost in the excruciating debate that determined the song choice, theme, and dance moves that would accompany our annual 4th grade flash mob for Halloween. Oh, and don't forget the HOURS of coordinated costume planning. I was scared to bring the subject of Geri's retirement party back up.
November/December: Thanksgiving/Christmas. Erin's holiday play in which I was unceremoniously threated and coerced to participate...then cruelly deceived when promised a "small" part.
January: Panic began to set in as our team leader started the transition process marking her new position as an administrator. We began chronicling what we would lovingly label "The first lasts..." as in: "This will be the last time we do this as a team..." as we tried to stave off the inevitable changes that would irrevocably alter our team forever (Dramatic much?). T-shirts were made for every occasion. Toasts were made at any and all events. Team meeting went off the rails:
Geri: How many beans in a can?"
Answer: "239. One more and it would be 240." (Read it out loud if you don't get it.)
A big (but closeted) fan of potty humor including what I call the little "f-word" which is banned from Room 24, Rachel laughed until tears ripped down her face. As the self-appointed team secretary, I dutifully noted the event and illustrated it for posterity (and to prove to everyone why I hated team meetings so much). For the record, that little gem, by no means the most rare and valued of all of our team meeting jewels, occurred on Thursday, January 13th.
February: Survived the week-long onslaught of three team members' birthdays. Plunged into our ridiculously unreasonable and ultimately unachievable biography project (research/essay/weird and often scary doll constructed out of a 2-liter bottle/tri-fold poster board and public speaking presentation-they're nine. I'm 52 and wouldn't want to do that!). Arranged a one hundred valentines display for our out-going principal which consisted of two members painstakingly taping up each Valentine on the wall, presumably in the shape of the digits that make up "100" AND a heart (This was after an hours-long font debate) while other members painstakingly criticized their efforts and demanded immediate change.
Every month, another thing. Dance parties. School assemblies. Quarterly testing. Report cards. Five week progress notes (Where did THEY come from...??? I thought streamlining to 3 report cards a year was supposed to free us up?). More theme t-shirts. More toasts. Clinging to one another as we were being slowly ripped apart.
From December until April, I emotionally tapped out as my focus abruptly shifted to personal issues. By the time my head was on straight again, Geri's retirement loomed over us and I was officially freaking out. "Don't worry," Rachel soothed, "You know we always work better under pressure."
May: Secret Meeting Number One met. Well, most of us. "What time was it again?" "Where was the meeting? I couldn't find you guys!" "What meeting?" I threw every idea I had at them...providing a foundation upon which to build as we re-constructed my idiotic plans. "They'll toss most of them," I assured Katriel who listened as I asked if she knew how to scale a rope and dangle headfirst by one leg. To our shock, the Secret Meeting Members enthusiastically (and desperately, if you ask me) embraced ALL of the ideas. Okay. We would need to write a song parody detailing Geri's lovable eccentricities. Practice singing the song parody despite the fact that NONE of us could sing (One of us has infamously been kicked out of not one, but two, bands!). Enlist the help of a talented but patient guitarist (Thanks, Aaron). Plan a Geri-themed trivia contest. Incorporate all of Geri's fun-but-odd snack preferences. Buy a dozen pairs of drug-store eyeglasses for a round of "Geri's Memory Loss Moments" to incorporate beloved friends' anecdotes of Geri's exploits (Like how she intentionally "loses" things at Disney so she doesn't have to carry them around the park and then conveniently picks them up at the end of the day from Lost & Found.).
May: Secret Meeting Number Two: MOST of us managed to be there. Kelly and Katriel, using our brainstormed list of every adorably weird and wonderful mishap involving Geri that we could think of, provided the lyrics to parody Ricky Nelson's "Garden Party." We were on our way!
May: Secret Meeting Number Three: Turns out, singing with an accompaniment is not easy. Tempers flared. Accusations flew. "I can't sit next to Amy," Kelly declared.
May: Secret Meeting Number Four: Time to revise. Accept our limitations. Trim back a bit. Aaron, with the patience of a saint, began cuing us in with his foot. I'm pretty sure he wanted to use that foot to give us a boot in the...
Thursday, June 2nd: "Are you going to ride with us on Saturday?" Geri asked me during our lunchtime game of euchre. "Ride where?" I asked, glaring at my hand of nines and tens while considering "going alone."
"To the Teacher Dinner."
We all put our cards down and stared at her. "You DO know that the Retirement Dinner is tomorrow, right?" Kelly asked softly, thinking about the hours of practice and arguing we'd put in for the past few weeks. "Friday," Katriel stressed, "NOT Saturday?" Geri looked at me, certain that I was somehow responsible for this mix-up. "Are you sure?"
"YES!!!" we all screamed.
I told Rachel about this later who immediately saw it as an opportunity to add another lyric.
"Geri missed the retirement party
because she thought it was Saturday
We sang her song without her there
and now she'll have to pay."
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