Investigating a fecal matter

"Stand back," my friend Michelle announced with inimitable authority, "I am proficient in poop." Without hesitation, we stood back. And there were more of us there than you would think. For where there is a questionable pile of something potentially poo-related, many will gather, so sayeth a school teacher who is supposed to be somewhere else, compiling report card data.

My friend Katriel and I were exiting the faculty room when we spotted the mysterious mess, wedged between the wall and the floor beneath the student cubbies. I grabbed her arm, halting her progress and, in horror, said, "Is that what I think it is?" At the moment, my reason and common sense were clouded so I failed to factor in the impossible angle and super-human dexterity necessary to deliver such a "deposit."

Holding our breath, we inched carefully closer, the ramifications of this discovery just beginning to dawn on us. "Why don't we just ignore it?" I lamented while Katriel informed me how it would be a dereliction of our duty. I glanced at the corridor cameras, reluctantly agreeing. "You're right," I told her, "Our movement has already been logged."

Fortunately, before we could really start getting to the bottom of this mess, our friend Michelle arrived and promptly took over. Relieved, we let her.

Effortlessly, she squatted down as I suppressed my immature giggling. Michelle glared at me briefly before resuming her inspection. Like an operating room nurse handing her surgeon a scalpel, I handed Michelle a pencil. Poking me, Katriel smiled as she whispered, "Stop, urine enough trouble as it is." After Michelle up-graded her pencil, she began the horrifying process of poking the poo (Really highlighting her gross motor skills). Of course, by now, a crowd had gathered. We watched, with sick fascination, as she plunged the pencil into the poo. "It's not solid," she announced, "It's too spongy." Declaring it faux poo, she stood, face flushed, victorious. We applauded wildly. Thanking Michelle, she smiled at us demurely, saying, "It was the least I could doo."