A-DOOR-able story #3 of 3: I'm open for suggestions on how to install a door

 The Andersen 4000 full-view screen/storm doors had arrived and I immediately began second-guessing my decision. Brad and I have a long history of...let's just say...not working well together. Brad claims I need to anticipate, show initiative, trouble-shoot logically, and stop always shining the flashlight directly into his eyes. I say he needs to stop being such an @$$h0{$. And now, here we were...with not just one door to install...but two. 

Two doors to be...

• Installed in an old house built in the 1850s without a single squared corner to be found. 
• Installed by a woman with no spatial intelligence and falters whenever a fraction is introduced into the conversation. Installed by a woman with a state job so is accustomed to plenty of bathroom breaks, social interactions, and snacking opportunities. 
• Installed by a man who will work until he drops, speaks in imperative commands, has WAY too much faith in his wife's muscular ability to carry heavy or awkward items, and tends to run out of patience if she decides the job's not worth the effort. 

Brad and I shared a good laugh at the packaging's declaration that the installation should take only 45
minutes. We've been married 35 years...this was NOT our first rodeo. To install a new door, naturally, one must first empty all the dehumidifiers in the home, gas up all the vehicles, pound a stake into the ground to wrestle a way-ward growing sapling into submission, and argue about laundry methodology. 

Then, before you begin to install your new door, you must remove the old door. Easier said than done. Apparently the 19th century nails and screws refused to comply with Brad's 21st century removal tools. And the original installer was VERY generous with his application of nails and screws. I watched as my husband waged war with a crowbar while I helpfully provided 4th grade fun facts. "A crowbar is a simple machine," I told him as wood splinters shot towards us like shrapnel. The ravaged door hung precariously from its top hinge before Brad seized the portal and ruthlessly ripped it down. I picked the crowbar up off the floor. "It's a lever," I told my husband. "Very helpful," he gasped.

We removed the Andersen 4000 from its box and I took note of the time. We'd already been pre-gaming for an hour and a half. Holding it in place, we were not surprised that it wasn't a perfect fit. The measuring tape made an appearance and fractions were flung at me. I dutifully wrote them down. Brainstorming...one of us about the door, the other one about snacks...Brad wondered if the other entryway was closer in measurements. We headed over there...well, since we're here...might as well remove that door too. Fortunately, practice was making the process go a bit easier. 

Eyeing up the removed door, Brad wondered if it was the same size as our much-battered basement door. Oh, no. 

It wasn't. Oh, yes. 

But maybe just the glass paneled section could be substituted. Oh, no.

An hour or more was dedicated to a door that had been completely off my radar. Re-purposing at its finest. 

Because of our crooked house, Brad was going to need to build onto our existing door-frames. As he began picking up, I asked (foolishly) when we would begin cutting the wood. Brad was stunned. "Did you want to run to The Hammer House today?" he asked incredulously. "Don't we have wood here?" I inquired...I had watched him sort and buy a ton of straight-straight boards just a few weeks ago. I watched my husband's expression light up and he immediately began searching the rafters of our garage. B-I-N-G-O!

Oh good. We have wood.

Once Brad had re-built a frame, it actually wasn't that bad. 

The directions for installing the Andersen 4000 were straight-forward and also illustrated. I would read them aloud. Then Brad would go off and read them again without my "interpretations" or "commentary."  

And just like that (six hours later), my dowager dachshund had a full-view screen door as her window to the world. We delighted in our working handle. We celebrated the easy button that held the door open for when our hands are full of groceries. Never had I imagined such luxuries!

"That went a lot better than I anticipated," I confessed to Brad as we picked up. "I can understand why people would rather just pay the installation fee," my husband mused...I paused, waiting...I knew it was coming..."but when it comes to putting in a door, you shouldn't knock it until you've tried it."