According to our office staff, Erin is Number One while I come in a solid Number Two

To determine the success behind an efficiently-run, happily harmonious, and warmly welcoming school, you must first look at the central nervous system of the organization; the office, which serves as both the brain and heart of the building.

Our office staff dispenses wisdom, sass, and band-aids daily. They bolster spirits, confer common sense, and transmit tough love (when necessary). 

Val and Joanne are frighteningly telepathic...I might make it three steps into the room before Joanne has lobbed a miniature Peppermint Patty at me...discerning that the only thing between me and a screaming fit is the cool sensation of eighteen 4th graders NOT repeating my name a thousand times a minute. I have walked into that room...my sanctuary...arms filled with work, completely overwhelmed...only to have Val unload my burden, wipe the sweat from my brow, squirt some Gatorade in my mouth and send me, revived, back into the Octagon. 

They are also not above some well-intended shenanigans.

Although they are too professional to have "favorites," Joanne and Val rarely interfere in the on-going battle to fight for their favors. Erin and I have taken this competition to the next level...racing to be the first to complete each necessary request. Half-day forms collected and turned in? Amy clearly won that race. "Although..." Joanne said slowly, spreading out my slips like a deck of cards and fanning herself, "Erin's WERE in alphabetical order." Erin got her Student-of-the-Month certificate in..."Nice," Val congratulated her, "but do you see how Amy writes a lovely paragraph detailing all of the child's commendable qualities?" Fair entries. Filing. Absence notes..."How did she beat me?" I yowled, "I ran them down the minute it was announced!" 

But then, I noticed it...Erin had clearly failed to complete her task according to specification! "She used a paperclip!" I sang, dancing happily around the office, "The instructions stated to bundle the notes with a rubber band!"

So how did I end up with the Number Two award?

Imagine my surprise when I spotted it clogging up my mailbox. I could feel my face flush. I stomped over to Joanne's desk to get to the bottom of this matter. Both she and Val were cracking up by this time. I don't know what's so funny," I growled, "Don't leave me hanging." "Did you notice Erin's mailbox?" they asked me. Figures. Decked out in balloons and bows. It was time to go. "It's all dung," they assured me as I left, "Time to wipe the slate clean and start fresh for next year." What a relief!

Those two are regular comedians. And they sure know how to lay it on thick.

And even though I need to digest this situation for a bit, I better quit stalling and start planning...maybe 

work it out with a pencil so that, next year, I'll really leave a mark.