Having been married for twenty-four years, it's been awhile since I've dated. Brad was in the Army and had gone on several deployments, including Germany and Panama, during our first few years together. I was busy pursuing a career as a naive minimum-wage retail salesperson at a pet store. Realizing that I was alone and in a strange place, the assistant manager habitually treated me to coffee and a baked snack at the TJ Cinnamons conveniently located around the corner. Occasionally, we shared a lunch and once we went to the movies. I was initially shocked and then embarrassed when Brad asked me how long I planned on dating this guy. I'd never broken up with anyone before but, seeing that I was married, it seemed like the right thing to do.
Fast forward over two decades and I suddenly found myself in yet another precarious situation. Titillating text messages from an unfamiliar number peppered my phone for days. "Hey, remember me?" and "Are you busy tonight?" had me racking my brain as to how I had unintentionally solicited such attention. Knowing that Brad wasn't exactly supportive of my dating, I ignored these calls. As unreasonable as his opinion was, I wanted to respect my husband's feelings.
So imagine my surprise when I received yet another text as our family was en route to Philadelphia. I have taken the liberty to transcribe the conversation for you in its original format. Understand that it causes me severe physical pain to intentionally ignore the conventions of proper writing mechanics but I feel that the lack of punctuation and capital letters contributes to the flavor of the situation.
UNFAMILIAR NUMBER: Hey its steven from sams party tried to say hello a few times to talk to u
ME: Hello Steven from Sam's party...this is the 43-year-old mother of the pretty girl at the party who is now grounded for giving her number out to strange (no offense, Steven) people. Have a good day.
.............................................eleven minutes pass by............................................................
STEVEN: Sorry i asked her so that was my bad dont be mad at her
The next hour and a half in our van was rather lively. I admit to experiencing some conflicting emotions. Relief that I wasn't accidentally dating again. Disgust that the person with whom I had thought I might have been accidentally dating may have been of an age to cause my arrest. Remorse that, apparently, "accidental dating" is a chromosomal anomaly that can be passed from mother to daughter. How did I miss the obvious signs? Two years ago, Sydney confirmed a Facebook friendship from "Scooby-Doo." Who doesn't love Scooby? However, it quickly became clear that Scooby had more on his mind than a Scooby snack. He might have gotten away with remaining a Facebook friend...if it hadn't been for Sydney's rascally parents (and that he creeped Sydney out so much). A few months ago, Sydney was besieged by a series of text messages from another admirer but managed to end that relationship without parental intervention. I should have seen it coming.
Despite Steven's slightly delayed but gallant chivalry, Brad and I are a bit old-fashioned when it comes to our daughter dating. A young man willing to meet the parents avoids having to appropriately punctuate his sentences while demonstrating that his motives are (kind of) honorable. If her boyfriend doesn't want to interact with her family or, even worse, treats them disrespectfully with single word responses or grunts, hopefully Sydney will be able to see past the good looks and see him for who he really is inside. But maybe I'm being unreasonable and ridiculous. If so, then...my bad.
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