Post-operative pain, Part 1

Not wanting to worry you (I know how you are), I decided not to broadcast the news of my "weight-loss/reconstructive" surgery ahead of time. But here I am, bravely convalescing despite the dire comments and actions of my loved ones.

Geri, glancing speculatively around my classroom:  "If you don't make it, can I have your garden duck statues?

Brad grabbing the "Do not resuscitate" paperwork WAY too eagerly.

Looking back, I may have been a tad too enthusiastic when my doctor initially proposed a procedure. "Great!" I said, "let's bundle this deal!" Either my doctor doesn't watch a lot of commercials or she doesn't have a sense of humor (or she realized that what I was suggesting would, like, quadruplicate my pain level and, in that case, shouldn't she have said something...sadist) but since she was going to be rooting around in my body cavity anyway, she might as well take a few side trip excursions.

Brad was slightly annoyed about my lack of clarifying questions. The hospital helpfully called with a time of 8:15 am which I dutifully reported to my husband. "Is that our arrival time or the time of the surgery," he asked while I stared at him, dumbfounded. As it was an out-patient procedure, I was counting on going back to work the next day. Heck, maybe Brad could drop me off at the school that very afternoon! I stared at my doctor in horror (as I watched her wrestle with the copier...this was the woman who was going to cut me open in a half hour?) when she casually stated that I wouldn't be returning to work for two weeks. What?!? More medical professionals joined her at the malfunctioning copy machine for a consult. "Did you push the green button," one asked, pushing the green button. "We could just re-boot it," another offered helpfully. Another one slammed her palm against the side of the machine and I began looking for an exit as I imagined a similar conversation as I lay helplessly on the operating table.

Cliff-hanger:  Stay tuned to find out if I managed to break out of the hospital or if they were ever able to get that copier to work.