That's the stuff: The day I glued my eye shut

Under normal circumstances, dear friends, I would attempt to shield you from this harsh reality but it's time to face facts...my dreams of becoming the next great beauty queen will never be realized. On a happier note, however, this terrible trial revealed that my husband realized, early on, that my attributes are more like a scratch-off lottery ticket...the promise of value that lurks beneath the surface.

Case in point:  Halloween morning as Sydney plastered make-up on my usually unadorned features before approaching me with the stiff wire sparkly caterpillars which were to become my eyelashes for the day. Applying the adhesive like one would to a set of dentures, Sydney carefully latched each lash on. I peered out from beneath this glitter-encrusted veil...blink, blink. Brad stared at this vision of his wife in warped wonder. "Wait," Sydney said, "one end needs a bit more adhesive." She carefully applied it directly to my eye with predictable results. Yup...that's right. My eye was now glued shut. Fortunately, I couldn't actually see my family laughing as I wrestled my weighted eyelid open. Vision restored, I could now see my husband slumped helplessly against the wall, unable to catch his breath. Sydney had disappeared. I turned to the mirror and practiced fluttering my lashes. My poor husband is married to that, I thought dismally, considering the ridiculous creature reflected back at me. Laughing again, and then heading off to laugh throughout the day, my husband kissed me good-bye, thinking, "I'm married to that."  That's right, buddy. All this is yours.