Who Wore This Wacky Wig Best?

On this episode of Who Wore this Wacky Wig Best, we see that the student has definitely surpassed the teacher. As it so often happens, some ideas just need to remain in their original paper-form. But no...I spotted the directions for How to Make a Colonial Wig in Seven Easy Steps and jumped at the chance. "What are you doing," my husband asked, already regretting his question when he spotted that familiar mad gleam in my eye as I loaded our shopping cart with more cotton balls than most Mosiman families could ever use in one lifetime. My engineer daughter couldn't resist when I mentioned the wigs. "How do you propose to construct them," she asked, immediately regretting her question as I began to grape-stomp the fluffy packages to fit in the cart. Both of them quickly vanished while I was explaining my plan to the fascinated check-out girl before begging her for sixteen brown paper bags to accommodate sixteen 4th grade heads. 

How hard could this be, I gleefully thought to myself. Cotton balls? Check. Brown paper grocery bags? Check. Glue sticks aplenty? Check. Naturally, the children were enthusiastically on board. After another safety lesson concerning hot glue:

Teacher (pointing to the silver-tipped end of the glue gun):  This part is ...?

Students (choral response): HOT!

Teacher: If you touch it, you will get...

Students (choral response):  FIRED!

Teacher:  No, no, no...YOU won't get fired...I will. Try again. If you touch it, you will get...

Students (choral response): BURNED!

Teacher: And if you get burned...who is going to feel sorry for you?

Students (choral response): NOT MRS. MOSIMAN!

Teacher (nodding approval): Very good, students! Now...what is our class motto again?

Students (choral response): NO WHINING! LIFE IS NOT FAIR! AND MRS. MOSIMAN WEARS A SIZE TEN SHOE AND LIKES EXPENSIVE CHOCOLATE!

Teacher (nodding approval): Excellent!

After our lesson on safety, we unceremoniously stuffed one student head into the bag so I could cut a skull cap upon which to mount our cotton ball wig. In hindsight, perhaps I should have taped the living daylights out of it as well to create a more form-fitting model as it turned out rather rectangular in form...more SpongeBob Squarepants than George Washington. It's true that many hands make light work. It's also true that many 4th grade hands would rather work with a hot glue gun so I was left...holding the bag. The alarmingly thin bag. We focused on constructing one wig to learn the process. Four glue guns. Three more hands applying the cotton balls with rapid-fire precision and me...holding the bag. "Ouch," I cried as each line of molten-hot-lava glue was applied. "Ouch," I whimpered as crafty hands pressed cotton balls firmly down. "Ouch," I sobbed, as strings of hot glue drizzled onto my bare flesh. "Remember, Mrs. Mosiman...no whining," my sweet cherubs said as they hoisted me out of the fetal position to view our finished product. It didn't quite look like the one pictured in the instructions (which, by the way, should have included the number to the closest burn unit) but my little honeys were ready and raring for more. But...oh no! There was a cotton ball calamity! Turns out that it takes approximately three packages of cotton balls to construct one colonial wig! "Those poor Colonial Americans," one little scholar sympathized, "I wonder where they got their cotton balls from?" And there you have it, folks. Yet another, faultlessly integrated lesson utilizing Science, Math, and Social Studies with real-life application.