Sure...it LOOKS like fun

If one more person tries to console me by telling me that I'm going to get wet anyway, they're going to wind up with a scissors-kick to the neck, I thought to myself dismally as I watched the windshield wiper blades of our school bus gallantly battle the torrential rain-pour as we chugged our way up to Niagara Falls for the famed "Maid of the Mist" ride. "Can you get out of my seat, please," I asked a 4th grader who was determined to bond with me on the bus. "Why," he asked. "You're sitting on my sandwich," I pointed out.

Our drenched group of adventurers waded across flooded sidewalks and down stairs upon stairs to line up for that most-sought-after of fashion accessories:  The translucent blue poncho. And while this skin-sucking piece of useless plastic might reduce unplanned procreation, it does absolutely NOTHING to protect you from the harsh elements. "I'll take a petite, please," I asked the man handing out these ridiculous raincoats. Apparently, my jokes aren't as original as I would like to believe. I dutifully wrestled my way into it, tied the hood in a beguiling manner beneath my chin and readied myself for the waterfall. The power of the Horseshoe Falls channeled itself into a blast of wind that swept beneath my "raincoat" and became trapped by my beguiling tied-off hood, blowing me up like a big, blue balloon. I held onto the rail and tried to think of something that I had to look forward to...oh yeah. My squished sandwich.