Nora: Wearing a Red Carpet Onsie Designed by Flabby Forearms

 I couldn't WAIT to cuddle my friend, Sarah's, new baby girl, Nora! As I am the worst gift-giver on the planet and lack any discernible talent whatsoever, it can sometimes be a challenge to demonstrate my profound feelings for others with meaningful tokens of my affection. I don't sew, knit or crochet. Wood-working is out. Automobile mechanics is off the table. Cooking....? Sigh. Especially given Sarah's high expectations regarding dietary intake. So I did what any desperate person with no creative ability would do:  I painted a onsie. Confident that this gesture would be appreciated, I was nonetheless thrilled to see precious Nora outfitted in her personalized garb during my visit.

UNTIL...I toured her closet. Apparently Sarah's house will soon be under-going extensive reconstruction as they are looking to expand and re-model a room better able to accommodate baby Nora's extensive wardrobe. Forget Blue Ivy. Forget North West. The hottest fashion trends are being sported by none other than Miss Nora. I glared at Sarah. The onsie was obviously a pity-put-on. I realized that, as soon as I left, that infant undergarment would be serving time as a dust-rag. If it could BE that lucky.

Then, poor Nora and I were dragged out to lunch...in public! Fortunately Nora was styling a jaunty little headband to distract her confused fans from her tacky painted onsie. From the picture, you can tell that this baby is seriously pissed at me. And obviously, Sarah also was harboring some vengeful feelings as that is the only explanation as to why she would intentionally add bulbous cellulite to my upper arm area. I do have to hand it to her though. Talk about talent...I didn't know that you could photo-shop a picture while it was still housed in my little Sony camera. I do want to reassure my readers that, in light of this fat-revealing photograph, I have decided to scrap my Couch-to-5k program intentions (also known as the Couch-to--the-Mailbox, Maybe program) and focus on an upper arm regiment. I've discovered that lifting a 20 ounce Pepsi to my lips several times a day in brief bursts targets trouble areas. Let the training begin!