Conversations on the way to church, part one

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Our conversations while driving to church tend to be rather reverent. Dignified and mature. Brad and Savannah, who had managed to fit in a sacrilegious run before departing ("What do you mean...You're running...It's Sunday. God's day. A day of rest," I protested from beneath my blankets. Sleeping in. As God intended. Look it up if you don't believe me. It's in the Bible.) As Sydney and I rocked wearily in the van, we listened with little enthusiasm or interest to Savannah's assertion that her one coyote spotting of the morning trumped Brad's sighting of four deer.

My husband's mention of a possible breakfast after church shook me out of my lull and I assumed my rightful position as Family Mediator. "Deer are a dime a dozen," I said diplomatically, "Coyote wins." Savannah cheered but then I suddenly realized that my breakfast at Laurie's was in peril.

"We should have a point system," I said quickly to distract my sullen spouse. We established a 1 out of 7 ranking and went from there. "What would be at the top of this list?" Brad asked, still annoyed. "Well...bear and bobcat would certainly be the Everest of animal sightings," I suggested. "What would a one be," Sydney croaked from the back. "Woodchuck, without a doubt," I answered. Squirrels and chipmunks rated a two. Deer, which are pretty regular but still exciting (I rubbed Brad's arm empathetically) came in at three. The dawn/dusk critters came next (raccoons, skunks, fox) although Sydney had one condition to that list. "Not opossums," she stated firmly, "they freak me out." The van unanimously agreed to send the opossum down to woodchuck level. "Hey...what about a porcupine?" Savannah asked. Oh...wow. Hadn't considered a porcupine. Rarely seen. "But..." Brad questioned, "is it considered as high as a bear?" That was a decisive "no" from the van.

"What about a hawk?" Sydney inquired. We moaned. "There are so many variables," Brad explained. "Perched, I wouldn't rate it high at all but if it were in flight, with something in its mouth..." "Let's just keep birds out of this," Savannah snapped, beginning to tire from this conversation (and her morning run). We slipped into a contemplative silence.

Spiritually-energized, we left church later renewed with religious fervor. Humming one of the worship songs, we discussed the sermon points as we headed to breakfast. Conversation stopped as we passed a dead beaver along the road. "We need to re-visit our list," I remarked. "Oh no," Savannah sighed, as our van filled with our re-animated exchange.