Just when you think that you've run out of things to blog about...Shopping on a Friday leading into the 4th of July week-end wasn't the greatest idea in the world. The only thing that would make that idea even worse was if I had decided to go shopping on a Friday leading into the 4th of July week-end with five children.
I'd been waiting, more-or-less, patiently at the service desk at Stuf-Mart for about twenty minutes when my friend Shanna came rolling up with 4/5s of her brood in tow. As we chatted, she carefully navigated her over-flowing cart around and then, in front, of me. "Are you budging," I asked with the carefully veiled hostility of one who has been waiting, more or less patiently at the service desk at Stuf-Mart. Shanna feigned surprise. "Oh! I thought you were shopping!" she exclaimed.
Yeah. A LOT of people shop at the service desk...SHANNA.
Attempting to apply my self-defined "Humanitarian of the World" status to real-world situations, I loudly announced my intention to allow this mother of five to go ahead of me. Then I watched as she tried to be compensated for a fifty-cent Bulls-eye coupon. "Did you budge in front me to redeem a competitor's fifty-cent coupon?" I asked indignantly. "I thought Stuf-Mart accepted ALL coupons," she answered, eyes wide. I squinted at her. This woman was shrewd. "And that's not just a fifty-cent coupon," Shanna whispered as she rolled by, "that's coffee money."
Her physical disappearance was immediately replaced with her technological presence as she immediately texted about how maybe exiting through the "Enter" door was also a poor decision...detrimental to the elderly gentleman who fell victim to Shanna's grocery cart hit-and-run.
Which is why I entered Gyroscopes with a wary eye. I successfully procured my produce, selected my cereal, and grabbed most of my groceries without incident when I heard a ruckus. I sighed as I peeked around the corner. One fifth of Shanna's brood spotted me. "What are YOU doing here," he asked. I frowned at him. "And here I thought you were the bright one," I growled. We stared at one another for a long moment before he tipped back his maned head and roared. I bypassed the giggling boy to discover his mother kneeling before the discount shrine of endcapped goods. "I just wanted to touch one," she admitted as we righted the forty or so colorful plastic tumblers she'd toppled. "I guess the Keep Your Hands to Yourself Rule only applies to children," I muttered, hefting myself back up to my feet. "Can I follow you around all day," I asked Shanna, now realizing the unlimited supply of blog posts that effortlessly materialize around her. She readily agreed. "The best writing material comes when I go out with all five kids," she said, "It's like a walking circus."I laughed as I went on my way, not having the heart to tell her that every debacle I'd witnessed today had not been kid-induced. Shanna, full of sunshine, does it all. Ringleader...acrobat...magician...lion-tamer...and yes, sometimes...even the clown!
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