Going off script: Our Christmas Program

 "Congratulations, Amy! I'm sure this year's will be the greatest ever!" I was told in passing as I navigated the halls of my school. "Thanks," I answered, confused. After several more people offered their well-wishes, I fought the sick feeling in my stomach and finally summoned the wherewithal to inquire what herculean task I was apparently set to perform. "Well...according to the meeting, you are the co-lead for this year's Christmas program," I was told. "I deliberately DID NOT attend that meeting because I didn't want to be in the Christmas program," I said, stomping my foot like a not-so-merry mule.

My supposed co-lead (and arch-nemesis), Tyler appeared at my classroom door shortly after. "We can do this the hard way or the easy way," he announced, leaning back in the chair as he ignored my more-or-less school appropriate rant. "You can just simply say "yes" as we all know you will inevitably do or...," he smiled, folding his arms lazily behind his head to support the neck I was about to strangle, "I will happily visit you before school, during school, and after school EVERY day until you agree...my 3rd graders will make cards, banners, and petitions until their Christmas program has you as its leading lady." Son of a nutcracker! "Fine, I'll do it," I snapped gingerly (See what I did there...I am capable of some holiday spirit!).

 That week-end, I attended a card party where I was happily greeted by my friend and director of the Christmas program, Erin (who infamously was catapulted off the inflatable air-mattress in the middle of last year's program--there was no WAY that we were EVER going to top that!). I should have been suspicious but Erin is always happy which is why I actively avoid her. But suddenly, here she was, insisting on cuddling up to me on the couch. "Let's get Amy another drink," she hollered as she showered me with compliments. "We're so grateful that you agreed to write the play," she smiled, stroking my arm as Tyler, carrying a glass toward me, suddenly lurched from the room. "Wait. What?!?" I said, stunned by this new development. So, long story short, using my friend Geri's dream of a shout-out to Bing Crosby, I channeled my inner Arthur Miller and whipped up a script.

The first few practices were a little rough on my ego. "Amy...I haven't actually read your script but
can we change it?"one actor asked. I announced that my play was like the United States Constitution, a living document which embraces revisions and adaptations. Obviously, I was lying. "The way this is written doesn't fit in with our vision," another group stated. "Is this suppose to be funny?" another fan wondered.

"I was asked to fit in toy soldiers, Baby, It's Cold Outside (a romantic duet sang by Tyler, who is playing my husband, with ANOTHER woman...yeah-THAT makes perfect sense!), The Hippopotamus Song while tossing in a little dance number about sisters all occurring in Bing Crosby's living room!" I shouted (in the spirit of Christmas), I didn't realize that I was being asked to write the Pulitzer Prize of Christmas Program Plays!"

So the night before the play, after badgering my husband into coming in to cut me windows out of 3-inch thick cardboard, I was wrestling curtains onto my set. He regarded my pile of props that included a tinseled headband of icicles, a campfire version of Jiffy-Pop popcorn, and a cowbell. "This all came out of you NOT attending a meeting?" he asked (again). I nodded glumly as I tossed a deck of playing cards into the pile as my living document had received a dress rehearsal revision. He smiled. "Well, I'm sure this taught you a valuable lesson." I sighed. If only that were true.

It was the big day. So what if we didn't have a free-standing door and that the whole play HINGED on it (See what I did there? Arthur Miller...eat your heart out). So what if middle-schoolers called Tyler and I a cringey couple? It just gave me an opportunity to expand my vocabulary. I love learning new catch-phrases! Remind me, by the way, to NOT invite middle-schoolers to the play next year. I watched my friends, from the most amazing vantage point possible, cast aside their inhibitions and perform for the pure joy of bringing smiles to the faces of small children. How blessed I am to teach among these hard-working, sacrificial, and talented people.

Was it the "best Christmas program ever?" I choose to digress as anyone who saw Erin flying off of that air-mattress last year would understand. But I would agree that it was pretty special. And next year, you better believe that I'm going to attend that meeting!