April Fool's Day: But what if he chokes?

I am a BIG baby when it comes to April Fool's Day. I HATE having pranks pulled on me and seldom put forth either the effort or initiative to set a scheme in motion. I, dear friends, abide by subsection C, paragraph 4 of The Golden Rule. Treat not (or trick) others, the way thee wishes to not be treated (or tricked). Repent pranksters! Fear the looming cloud of retaliation. I paraphrase, of course.

The one exception to the rule...is Brad. My husband has come to view April Fool's Day as a vitiated Valentine's Day.  A day where Amy pulls out all the stops to make him the very center of her world. How he has come to look forward to my little expressions of appreciation! Weeks of research go into the planning of my diabolical deceptions. Unfortunately, this year, I would be out of town during April Fool's Day, visiting my daughters in San Diego. "Too bad," Brad sympathized.

"So what are you going to do?" my friend, Cathy, an avid supporter of my April Fool shenanigans, asked. "I don't know," I fumed, "but I'll think of something." Hours better spent in the formulation of a plan for world peace were instead devoted to combing through thousands of websites for the perfect prank. Foil-wrapped grapes to mimic chocolate eggs were set on the back-burner to serve as an alternate should the 1st Place Prank Pageant Winner not be able to perform due to a lurid background or seedy past. Time was growing short and Brad was becoming bolder. "Maybe you could try one of your cute little tricks on the girls," he smilingly suggested, foolishly feeling geographically secure. "I've got it," I yelled, my eureka-moment, I'm sure, rivaling Newton's. "Chocolate-covered cotton-balls!" Cathy looked dubious. "Won't the chocolate just absorb into the cotton?" she wondered. "Maybe you should freeze them first. And what if he chokes?" "Imagine the blog ratings I'd get from that," I squealed, "Maybe people would actually start sharing my posts!"

Trial one was initiated a week from my departure and was an abysmal failure. The chocolate melted clumpy ("Because you didn't do it in smaller increments," scolded Cathy, "putting a hundred chocolate disks over the highest heat possible was a recipe for failure."). But I would not be deterred. Nor would Brad as he gleefully commiserated my inability to April Fool him EVERY day. I purchased a small container of melting chocolate designed for chocolate-covered strawberries. My friend, Kirsten and I sat down at a school table, and happily created our chocolate-covered cons. "They look pretty good," Kirsten admitted, "kind of like truffles But what if he chokes?" I briefly wondered if anyone had died as a result of an April Fool's joke (Don't Google that, by the way. It's horrifying.) but, just to be safe, decided to test-try it. I carefully bit into my traitorous truffle. First impression: The chocolate is delicious! Second impression: The inside is NOT edible...no danger in mistaking it for something yummy.

I packaged my dessert of deception into Brad's Easter basket, nestled among many legit treats. I carefully hid the basket and planted a slew of clues around the house before I left for San Diego and then counted the days down to Easter/April Fool's Day. As the sun rose on Easter Sunday, I texted Brad the first clue to set off his scavenger hunt. It wasn't long before victory was mine! My husband was disgusted. I was delighted. "Did you stop and think that maybe I could have choked to death?" he asked, pretending to be angry. At least, I think he was pretending. "I field-tested it," I assured him, "I bit into it and there was no problem." He paused pointedly on the phone. "I didn't bite into it," he told me, "I tossed the whole d@#ned thing in my mouth. Have YOU ever chewed on a cotton-ball?" I giggled. "April Fool's Day, Brad!"