And first-place for the prize-winning acrostic in an office setting goes to...

Normally the sweetest person on the planet, Sydney Lynn HATES asking for help. "I'll do it myself," she'll snap peevishly. This one, small, barely-worth-noticing character flaw has occasionally worked to her detriment. "What do you mean there's an out-standing warrant on my license?" she had asked incredulously, when she was but an itty-bitty brand-new baby driver."Did you ever actually receive verification that the court applied your fun-filled Driver Safety Course against your ticket(s)?" her father responded gently. My attempts to sweet-talk the judge were futile when Sydney got into a snit when he referred to her as "young lady." I wonder if she would have accepted my help in the form of bail money? Fortunately, we didn't have to find out.

Now located 3,000 miles away from me, opportunities to offer help are few and far between. So when my daughter called in a crisis, I was quick to respond. "What are you doing?" Brad asked, not actually caring but trying to be polite. Surrounded by mountains of photo albums, I couldn't see him so I yelled, "I need pictures of Sydney to reflect the letters in her name." My husband didn't answer, instead grabbing the remote and putting on the Kansas City game. My head popped up out of the pile like a gopher. "Don't you want to know why?" He didn't. "Why?" he asked. "Sydney's office is running a contest for the most creative presentation of an acrostic," I told him. "Uh-huh," he muttered, watching Salvador Perez step up to bat. "Do you even know what an acrostic is," I said, accusingly. He sighed and muted the TV. I immediately warmed to my audience. "An acrostic is a poem of structured poetry where each letter in your name represents you in some personalized fashion." Brad's eyes flicked to the screen as Salvy raced past first and was rounding second. I continued, "For example, Sydney snowboards so I'm looking for a picture of her snowboarding." Brad sighed again as the big catcher crossed home plate, the man on the screen and the man in the living room both simultaneously looking heavenward. "She scuba dives too," Brad said, his attention fully on me know, as God intended. I frowned. I didn't have any pictures of Sydney scuba-diving. Four hours of photo shopping later, Jon Snow and Michael Scott joined Sydney on a fictionalized underwater adventure.

The next day, I was 5/6th finished with our project. "I can't think of what to do with her N," I complained to my friend Kirsten. We brainstormed for awhile before she asked, "What picture would you include if you weren't restricted by a letter?" I pointed to the picture of Syd and I in London at King's Cross Station re-enacting Harry Potter's magical entrance to Platform Nine and 3/4s. Kirsten suddenly grinned. "Where are you there?" she prompted. I frowned. "Platform Nine and 3/4s," I told her again. "Where?" she repeated. Ah! The lightbulb moment! "Platform NINE and 3/4s," I shouted as we high-fived.

I was so excited, describing Sydney's acrostic to Savannah in vivid detail. She couldn't press X like you did two paragraphs ago when you couldn't bear to hear even one more detail about this stupid little project. In true Mosiman-fashion, though, my eldest daughter couldn't just compliment me and tell me that I was clearly the most talented and creative person on the planet. No-oo-oo. She had to find SOMETHING to criticize. "No one on the West Coast is going to find Yosemite interesting, Mom. It's practically in their backyard." I huffed indignantly. Just one MORE reason to not like the West Coast obviously. "But did it occur to you that New York City might be a big deal?" I slapped my forehead. Duh! I adjusted my N to include NYC. Then I remembered Carlo's' Bakery in New Jersey and squeezed that in too before I finalized the project and sent it off to Sydney for printing.

"That looks great," Brad said admiringly, before, in true Mosiman-fashion, he added, "I'm surprised you didn't include Niagara Falls. Not everyone has one one of the Seven Natural Wonders of the World practically in their backyard. "

End of story. Sydney won. This is the last time I help her.