Naturally I couldn't sleep last night...what with knowing I was doomed to the flames of eternal damnation and all...and it was then that I pieced it all together; the message that God had tried to send me but me...in my utter stupidity and selfishness...in my utter disregard for my fellow man...missed it.
So...there we were...Brad and I...reading the Bible. Specifically Numbers 26 (This part is important). Ugh. Numbers. About as fun as reading a phone book. Or, like Numbers 5, so infuriating that I was ready to toss in the Old Testament towel. Breathe, Amy, breathe...the culture was different back then...
Anyhoo...so there we are, reading the Bible ("Here's a jewel for you! And a jewel for you!" Actually, I was power-reading because Jeopardy was about to come on..."No jewel for you!"), when there came a knock on the door. We frowned. It was dark. The house was a mess. I was wearing my dachshund jammies. Brad went to answer the door while I wrestled the dogs. It was...a census taker.
Disappointed that it wasn't Publisher's Clearing House but, nonetheless. still accommodating, Brad invited Brian the Census Taker in and they began covering the important questions necessary for the proper running of our country. Sex? As often as possible. Race? Only if a bear is chasing me. As I sat on my wiggling animalsin the other room, I began to get unreasonably frustrated. How dare the government send a stranger into my home and ask questions that were easily google-able! This was an invasion of my privacy! Plus my dishes weren't done and I was wearing dachshund jammies. Oh my goodness! Was I becoming a Libertarian or was I pre-menstrual? I heard them talking about my employment and said to myself, "That's enough!" I stuffed the dogs in the bedroom and marched into the room, sporting my dachshund jammies.
I am not proud of what happened next. In fact, I am deeply ashamed. I did not greet this stranger...Brian the Census Taker. I did not shake his hand or introduce myself. I did not warmly welcome him to my home or offer him some Kool-Aid. No. I stormed in, slammed myself down in a chair across from him, looked him straight in the eye and growled, "How much longer is this going to take?" Brad stared at me as though he'd never seen me before. I was short-tempered and antagonistic. Poor Brian. Brad looked about ready to kill me. Finally...thank God...our interview came to an end. Brad saw Brian to the door and bid him farewell. I grunted out a good-bye. The door shut and then all hell broke loose. At the height of it...I was compared to "Bitchzilla." Whoa.
It was later...in my late night reflection...that it sunk in. The passage of the bible we were reading when there came a knocking on our door was entitled: The Second Census. The hairs on the back of my neck stood straight up. I suddenly remembered the verse warning of just such an incident as this: Hebrews 13:2-Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.
Oh Brian...I am so sorry.
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