I though Mauy Thai was a drink: How I got tricked into attending an MMA event

I'm not sure what was going through my head when my husband said MMA. I love M&Ms. Many yummy restaurants and fun stores sport alphabet names such as A&W and DSW.  And don't forget JC Penney and TJ Maxx.  I think I just figured food was in my future. Remind me not to judge the wary wildlife that, despite its best judgment, nevertheless, steps into a set trap for a tasty treat. Slam! The passenger door of the Elantra snapped shut and I was whisked away to my first mixed martial arts competition. 

Training with Dokkodo Martial Art/10th Planet in Bath, Brad's friend, Chris Buckley, headlined the main event. Prior to Chris's fight, I had plenty of time to acclimate to my unfamiliar surroundings. As the wife of a martial arts practitioner for over thirty years, I am quite adept at averting my eyes at key moments...for example, when someone is being pummeled mercilessly in the face. This skill serves me

well as I then get to notice other things...such as the Ring Girl. While she rotated around the octagon committing misogynistic hari-kari, I zeroed in on her shoes. "What are you looking at?" Brad asked, delighted that I was taking such an interest in the proceedings. "She should be wearing stilettos," I said, frowning, "School teachers wear wedge sandals."  

We discussed the possibilities of this young woman moon-lighting as a Ring Girl while teaching our impressionable youth of today. Completely plausible given the state of teachers' salaries. And I worked with many women who could rock the ring. I could appreciate the Ring Girl valuing comfort over the sharp sting of stilettos...and the enthusiastic guy with the unkempt beard, tank-top/flannel combo certainly didn't seem to mind. "Please let him be her boyfriend," I prayed as he unfailingly howled each time she appeared.

"Remind me to bring a dry erase board next time," I told my husband. "Why?" he asked. "I'm going to raise a 'Round Board of Comradery' next time," I explained, "With messages of affirmation like: You're pretty and it's obvious that you're intelligent too, Your hair looks great! Stay away from the guy wearing the tank top/flannel combo! You are destined for amazing things! I wondered if she would be receptive to the idea of printing her resume on the back of each round announcement board. 

The disco ball was another fun point of interest. As the paramedics rolled out the stretcher again, I directed my husband's attention to it. He took my hand lovingly as a wave of nostalgia rolled over us. "It's just like the one they had at Skate 98," Brad smiled, alluding to the one of the millions of skating rinks that peppered the landscape in the 1980s.  Was it coincidence that a Billy Squire song played on our long drive home? Hmmm...I think not.

The highlight of the evening, besides Chris's incredible performance, was the hot pretzel with cheese. Definitely worth the hour and a half drive to buy it. Fair compensation for the trauma that accompanies witnessing human beings brutalizing themselves in sport. Next time I attend an MMA event, I will be better prepared and, trust me, I will NOT be wearing sneakers. I'm embarrassed what the Ring Girl would have thought of my attire. To be fair, she didn't look like the judgmental type. I think my first message of affirmation to her will be: You're a knock-out!