I just need to vent a little...I am not a big fan of driving with no air conditioning

 And here I thought, as a woman approaching her mid-fifties, that my adventures in the backseat were over...

You can deny it all you want, (Prudes) but most of us understand that one's senses are heightened in the backseat of a vehicle. You just feel more. Excited. Bold. Breathless. Rebellious. Daring.

And, in my case? This past week...these feelings have also included nausea, vertigo, and a major hit to my vanity. 

Let me just tell you...things got HOT!

What are the odds that both Sydney AND Douglas's cars would have disabled air conditioners the week I visited with temperatures refusing to budge from their refreshing 92 degrees and higher?  Some might hint that it was purposeful...a subtle inconvenience that would encourage me to limit my stay. But trust me, Douglas LOVES my little pop-ins. ("Ten days is a little pop-in?" Douglas muttered, gripping the steering wheel tighter as he careened around a hair-pin turn. "What?" I shouted over the wind tunnel that was whipping me about in the backseat." "Nothing," Douglas yelled, watching as my image slid back-and-forth past his rear-view mirror as though I were the tennis ball in a Wimbledon match.)

I had requested a nice lunch with Douglas's parents. Living on opposite coasts makes getting acquainted
a little challenging. My efforts to appear as a dignified, stable, rational human-being were immediately wiped out by the hurricane-force winds that attempted to expel me from Douglas's car during the torturous thirty minute drive to the restaurant. The eyelashes on both my eyes were seared together into one sweaty spike each, erupting from my top eyelids like little unicorn horns. I made a great impression as I only ordered dessert...then diving into the Mud Pie, smearing it on my flushed face like a spa mask.

By Day Two, I decided to eschew any attempt to apply make-up or style my hair.

I would emerge, battered and bruised, at each arrival, resembling a rabid raccoon who'd stuck a stubborn paw in an electric plug. My make-up would have melted off of my face and my hair would be sticking straight up like the Bride of Frankenstein. I learned to adjust my posture accordingly. My straight spine, squared shoulders, and prim pose (Ankles together, ladies...lest you be mistaken for a trollop) evolved into a more legs-spread, welcome-to-the-party stance. I would flounder and cling to what automotive manufacturers call the "Passenger assist grip" but is more cutely, casually, and accurately referred to as "The Jesus handle." I can attest, even though the Lord and I communicate on the reg, our conversations became much more supplicative as I clung to that device as we barreled down Route 5 like hell was behind us. 

By Day Three, I realized that my method of trying to adapt to this situation was NOT working. Alcohol did NOT make this scenario better. 

"What was that sound?" Douglas asked, after jerking his steering wheel left like the referee had blown
the whistle to start a tug-of-war battle. Sydney glanced back, squinting her eyes to see better in the dark. "Oh, that's my mom. Mom, why are you on the floor?"

I got used to tumble-weeding my way across the backseat of Douglas's car. Bracing my palms on the fabric-ed ceiling happily served two purposes as it kept me from face-planting (again) and provided yet another way to commune with God. Vanity is a sin and Douglas certainly helped me in that department as well.

For those of you still quietly thinking that Douglas did this on purpose, I say, "Shame on you!"  If anything else, that lack of air conditioning in the vehicles made me want to spend even more quality time with Douglas in the house. Who needs to drive to restaurants, parks, beaches...

"It's time to go to the airport," Douglas told me, sadly. Sweet honey...he'd even graciously packed my bags for me. The thought of getting in that un-air-conditioned car again made me shudder. "What do you think about my staying a few extra days?" I suggested.

It was the first time I'd ever seen Douglas lose his cool.