"July Amy" enacting revenge on "September Katriel" (I hope Japan was worth it)

Amy-in-the-now (Present-tense Amy) is always acutely aware of Future Amy.  Amy-in-the-now knows that Future Amy is going to want a snackie-snack in a few hours but is too lazy to go grocery shopping. Present-tense Amy knows that Future Amy is a grumple-saurus in the morning but still stays up until 2 am reading or thumbing through reels. Amy-in-the-now knows that if she doesn't use the massaging torture device on her foot before bed, Future Amy will be limping all the next day but...ouchie. Future Amy routinely detests Amy-in-the-now but never so much as she did this past Friday...

Carpool text to Katriel:  Who the f-dances at 8:15 in the morning???

To be fair...this was Katriel's fault just as much as it was Amy-back-in- July's. Katriel selfishly and irresponsibly decided to take some time off this summer to visit Japan...forcing me to take her place on the character education committee. In her absence, I attended two fun-filled days with happy, positive people determined to change the world for the better. I was miserable.

"Amy," my arch-nemesis...the bold and bubbly Erin called, "Come sit with me." Could this get any worse?

Oh yeah, it could.

We needed...a theme.

This was joyously discussed for hours. We landed on the Hollywood Walk of Fame...respectful, responsible, safe, and scholarly All-Stars parading down the red carpet. Posters were made. Helpful worksheets compiled. Folders filled. I valiantly attempted to keep us grounded in reality. What happened to the good old days when kids were content with gold stars? I stared off into space. I sulked. I scribbled immature illustrations in my notebook. I remained resolutely silent. And then...I began to sabotage. 

As our friend, Sarah, labored heroically, creating a 10-foot tall thermometer to reflect student success, I commented on what I viewed as a perfectly related phallic connection. Oh...I'm sorry. You meant it to look like that? And off I skipped. Maybe this day wasn't going to be a complete waste.

Next on my list was Erin who was up-dating her annual teacher luncheon schedule. The bane of my existence. Erin insists that the luncheons are good for morale and building community. Yeah...my regular dinners rotate around stale cereal and sandwiches. My morale is definitely elevated trying to plan, buying the ingredients for (and forgetting half of them), and inevitably ruining the dish I'm supposed to bring in for Erin's luncheon. "Here," Erin said, pulling up a companion chair next to her's, "You can help me." My help consisted in re-branding her adorably-named luncheon days. "Soup Day" became "What a crock of sh--" Day. I was definitely feeling better.

And then I made a critical error.

I contributed.

Without consulting...thinking about...or caring about--Future Amy. Specifically, September Amy...who is notoriously overwhelmed, afraid, and freaked out.

It sounded like a good idea.

Staff dancing to The Script's Hall of Fame in the opening assembly. There was a super-easy-to-follow on-line tutorial.

Fun. Energetic. On-theme.

Katriel, home from her adventures in Japan, was stunned by all the damage I had caused in her absence.

Really?

"We're doing what?" she gasped.

"Not we," I chortled, "You. I was just an interim member of the committee."

Apparently the committee had other ideas.

Dance practice was held in my room the day before the assembly.

Katriel, knowing that I lack rhythm, grace, and kinesthetic memory, helped me write out the steps on my dry erase board before everyone arrived. We argued over some of the wording...Katriel growing exasperated by the third move as I giggled over every suggestion she offered. She finally banned the word "tap" but couldn't find a suitable replacement for "knock" so she just had to deal with my comments each time we double knocked in each corner of our invisible Dutch doors. Come on. You start the sequence by knocking up. I insisted the next move be called "Scoop up a pile of leaves and toss them exuberantly into the air" which caused Katriel to start looking for affordable flights back to Japan. 

Between our helpful written instructions and the on-line tutorial, everyone was feeling more-or-less confident. One member of the group kept throwing us off by yelling "Woo!" during the lunge sequences but, other-than-that, we were ready to go.

Obviously, my and Katriel's carpool ride to school the next morning was grimly quiet. I don't know what she was mad about. This was all her fault.

I hit the Pepsi machine before I even opened my classroom door.

Erin wrestled my liquid courage from my hand, on stage.

We did it. I don't remember thunderous applause but I'm sure it was there. Everything was a blur.

Katriel glared at me as we made our way back to our auditorium seats. "You are completely responsible for this," I said, matter-of-factly. "How do you figure that?" she hissed at me in the dark. A 4th grader shushed her, reminding Katriel of her auditorium manners.

"Plan A:  Book exciting trip to Japan...without Amy 

Plan B:  Slough off work responsibilities onto Amy

Plan C:  Ignore Amy's threats that she will somehow Get you back

Plan D:  Drive to airport, leaving Amy fuming...vowing revenge

Plan E."

July-Katriel brought me a thoughtful gift upon her return from Japan.

July-Amy set a snare to "thank" Katriel for the opportunity to sit in for her on the character building committee.

Sometimes the best laid plans are laid to waste (and waltz and watusi).

Konnichi-what?