This was one of the biggest things that has ever happened to me. A dream fulfilled. I wanted to share this news with my friend Sarah but I didn't want it to seem like I was bragging. But I also wanted to offer her some fresh perspective as she seems to think that the source of all happiness derives from the diapered body of her baby. Will is cute, don't get me wrong, even when Sarah paints him in peas but compared to my news...c'mon.
Random conversation marginally. but not really, related to the topic:
Amy (watching Sarah shovel pale green pea pudding into poor Will's resistant mouth): Did he do something wrong? Is he being punished?
Sarah (glancing over at Amy while pile-driving peas up the poor kid's nose): What? He loves peas.
Amy: Sigh
Amy and Will watch in alarm as Sarah switches to a gunky apple puree to add a second coat to Will's face.
Will (mouths the words "Help me" to Amy)
Amy: Isn't it time for dessert?
Sarah (holding up the baby food jar): This is dessert.
Amy (exchanging horrified looks with Will): Fruit?!? As a dessert?!?!
Will and Amy immediately begin devising a baby-break-out to escape this health-food hell-hole.
Additional note: I try...seriously. I didn't even complain when Sarah made me a grilled cheese on...get ready for it...whole wheat bread.
Anyhoo, back to my story...
I took a deep breath and plunged in. "Guess what," I said, bouncing on the couch beside her after we finished an episode of "Parks and Recreation." I didn't give her time to answer because the most exciting thing that she can envision is the arrival of one of Will's teeth (upon which he will immediately bite his mother for stuffing peas up his nose). "I was chosen for one of the highest honors imaginable," I said, "I have been invited to be part of the Nielsen Viewing Family." We stared each other over the gulf of stunned silence.
"Uh," Sarah said, shifting uncomfortably, "me too." What?!?!? This couldn't be happening. She didn't even really watch tv. I had bullied a big screen television on her as a wedding shower group gift as a pity present for her poor husband. Why would Nielsen want her? I asked clarifying questions. Magical postcard arriving in mail? Yup. Filled out subsequent survey questions? Yup. Prayed to be chosen? Nope. Received week-long television diary that would shape the future viewing habits of our nation and maybe even the world? Yup. Meticulously filled out said diary with agonizing accuracy? Nope. What?!?!? "Sarah," I scolded, trying to distract her from picking Will's pea-filled nose, "you need to take this responsibility seriously." She shrugged. Yes, you read that right. She SHRUGGED. "When the week is up, I'm just going to write that I watched Hulu." I made a hasty exit after this, trying to ignore Will's plaintive look for me to not leave him behind. Obviously I was going to have to re-evaluate this relationship. Fortunately, I have the support of my Nielsen Family to get me through this turbulent time.
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