Diphthong and I'm right..."Wild" IS a one-syllable word!

It's been all-out haiku war in my house for months now. "You call THAT a haiku," one family member will snarl at another, "I'll show you a haiku!" Yesterday, two black ermines raced across the road as we were driving to church. "Wild ferrets frolic," I mused aloud, doing the pre-requisite syllable count on my fingers. Before I knew it, my husband tossed three yellow flags onto my haiku field of play. According to him:

 #1 A ferret is NOT a mink,
#2 The critters in question were NOT "playing" and
#3 The word "wild" is composed of two syllables.

So much for readying my heart on a Sunday morning...

"Why can't we just enjoy nature like a normal family," lamented Sydney from the back passenger seat as Brad and I loudly debated artistic license, integrity and authenticity. I already knew that a ferret is NOT a mink, thank you very much but my love of alliteration gives me a little lee-way. But, as a result of this ridiculous conversation (inspired by one simple, five-syllable line), we discovered that there is a difference of ten chromosomes between the burrow-dwelling ferret and his semi-aquatic pal. And yes...I knew they weren't "frolicking" but decided to abstain from the other f-word on a Sunday because, yes, I am that classy.

The question of syllable composition, however, followed us into church. Our poor pastor...slowly making his way to us, kindly inquiring about the lives of his parishioners, offering gentle encouragement and reassuring words to those around us...was quickly made the deciding judge on our debate. "Wild," he frowned, thinking (It's not like he had anything MORE important to think about...)...He glanced worriedly in my direction (The man is aware of which member of the Mosiman family most resembles a human grenade) before answering, "Two." Naturally, I exploded.

To calm me, our pastor then conducted an independent poll from the pulpit (which also resulted in a tie and me not becoming calm). Subsequent research later (as soon as we got out to the truck and I got my hands on Brad's Smartphone) revealed that the dictionary categorizes "wild" as a monosyllabic word but (BUT) as the word contains a diphthong (where one vowel sound drifts...beginning as one vowel sound and ending as another [i=eye-to-el-think how you would phonetically spell the letter "L" as a word]) it could...COULD...be considered a two-syllable word.

"Whew," Sydney breathed a sigh of relief, "See..you were both right!" Further investigation on my part, though, also revealed that different dialects may accentuate the diphthong, forcing a word-unnaturally into more syllables. "Well, there you go," I shouted in my solid Western New York accent. "Your mid-western accent is an abomination to the English language," I said to my husband, vowing to ban him from haiku-writing forever-more. "Back me up here," I said, turning to Sydney who, with a twinkle in her eye, slid her fingers together before replying, "I'm WARSHING my hands of this matter altogether."