An out-"stein"-ing classroom prize

Every Sunday, after breakfast at Laurie's Restaurant, Sydney gazes wistfully at the rag-tag group of thirty or so people gathered on the street corner at Buffalo and Main. No...they are not homeless. No...they are not soliciting (meaningful wink inserted here).  They are antiquing. What? Yes. Antiquing. And so determined, are they, to antique, that they faithfully huddle in wind, rain, snow and public ridicule outside the shop, anticipating its ten o'clock open time.

Brad and I had avoided this for a year but Sydney finally wore us down. Well...Sydney's persistence coupled with our own morbid curiosity. What could possibly be in there to warrant such devotion?

I was about to find out.

It was mostly what you would expect. A lot of Looney Tunes jelly glasses, blue glass roosting hen candle jars, and those tiny Red Rose animal figurines. But hidden among these common collectibles, I spotted a true treasure! Almost miniature dachshund in height (see picture), stood a stein of epic proportions. Sporting a Revolutionary War-era British soldier, this delightful drinking glass was the perfect prize for my 4th graders as we delved into this very subject. Thrilled, I held it up for Brad's inspection. By his wrinkled nose, I could tell he also thought that this was a magical mug. He glanced at the price tag.  One dollar. "Sold," he said generously.

Previously-loved by its creative former owner, my stein must have been used as a floral arrangement centerpiece as its bottom was completely stuffed with decayed green foam which Brad semi-enthusiastically attacked with the long-handled screwdriver which would later stand in for a sapling in our yard for a week. "Good as new," I exclaimed as I peered inside, "Seems kind of empty, though." Brad walked away before I could say more.

A few days later, we stopped at the grocery store and I spotted a patriotic table decoration. Shiny red, silver and blue stars erupted from its blue-foiled base. Perfect. Brad glanced at its price tag. One dollar. "Perfect," he conceded. But not so perfect as we watched our patriotic "filler" disappear into the depths of our almost-miniature-dachshund-tall British soldier stein. Brad walked away.

As luck would have it, I had forgotten to buy a ball of mozzarella cheese for our caprese salad so, a few days later, back to the store I went. I wandered past the bulk candy to see if there was any American-ish candy to help balance out my British mug. Nope. "You can't get any more American than Hershey," Savannah advised as I called her from aisle four. I glanced at the price tag and realized my British "bargain" might cause my husband to revolt if I filled it with five dollars worth of candy. The price of putting together this incredible prize is high, I thought to myself, contemplating my marriage as I continued my journey through the grocery store, but it's a price I'm willing to pay. Suddenly, I stopped. Where had I heard those inspiring words before? Gasping, I raced to the breakfast foods aisle and there it was! A package of Captain America fruit gummies. On sale! Once again, he'd saved the day!

"What could be MORE American than Captain America fruit gummies," I said to my husband as I stuffed them in the stein. He nodded solemnly before asking, "Hey, where's the ball of mozzarella? I thought we were going to have caprese salad tonight." Eyes wide with horror (and now, hunger), I looked at my husband apologetically as he walked away. Sometimes the cost of a classroom prize is just too great.