Trust me...I can't keep a secret

                        Sarah and Jonathan are having a baby!!!

If you are at all familiar with my blog posts, you don't need to be told that I lack a filter.  I am acutely...painfully aware of my many shortcomings.  I'm not proud of them but I do own them.  I don't sweep them under the carpet.  I don't permit them to slowly decompose in a closet.  As much as possible, while keeping in mind the perimeters of TMI, I am about full disclosure.  "Can you keep a secret?" I am often asked.  "No," comes my automated response, "I am the world's most unreliable secret-keeper."  Do they think I'm kidding?  Because, almost immediately, I am entrusted with a secret that leaves me shivering like a jittery terrier.  Occasionally, I'll make it a full five minutes before I spill the news.  The term "just between you and me" doesn't exist in my world.  For me, "just between you and me" also includes you, me and a reasonably small circle of friends and family, who, fortunately, CAN keep a secret so all is not lost.

                         Sarah and Jonathan are having a baby!!!

My friend, Sarah selfishly shared a secret with me two months ago.  To the detriment of my home and professional life, I have spent the subsequent time completely focused on keeping this news to myself.  Conversations that would have been memorably enhanced by my unfettered input were stilted.  Relationships unraveled as I conscientiously worked to not reveal this interesting information.  Every day, I begged to be released from this binding trust.  "Can I tell?  Please, can I tell?"  Understanding that there was no way that I could hold out much longer, she established a deadline and today was that day:

Sarah and Jonathan are having a baby!!!

Originally, tonight's dinner out was planned as an apology gesture from my so-called friends to make up for nominating me as "Teacher-of-the-Year."   The timing perfectly coincided with Sarah's willingness to share her exciting news...further evidence of what a thoughtless friend she is...usurping my happiness, supplanting my rightful place as heir to all the attention.  To make matters worse, Kelly brought baby Jack outfitted adorably in overalls and Mickey Mouse shoes.  It's hard enough to keep everyone focused on me when they're busy "ooo-ing" and "ahh-ing" over him without the news of impending motherhood also hanging over my head.  "Can he say any words?" Sarah inquired of Kelly as we stood in line for tortellini.  "Oh yes," Kel began before I interrupted her with, "Moo-ing doesn't count."  She punished me for that little outburst by planting Jack's bib-ed body in my lap while he finger-painted my arms with spicy marinara.  

                      Sarah and Jonathan are having a baby!!!

I became increasingly agitated as the evening went by...partially because Jack and I had to clap and yell "Hey!" to two birthday songs from neighboring tables, partially because I was traumatized by the inclusion of raisin bread in an Italian restaurant, but mostly because Sarah was putting off sharing the news that would release me from my secret-keeping prison cell.  Responding to my death glares, she whispered, "I'm nervous. I'm not sure how to tell them."  First of all, know this:  Amy Mosiman does not have a single shy or inhibited bone in her brittle body. This was clearly a gift of which I was going to take full advantage.  "Hey everyone," I said loudly, trying (and failing) to get their attention off of Jack who was involved in the apparently fascinating activity of squashing green beans in his tiny fists.  "Hey!" I yelled, snapping my fingers at Kelly, "what was the purpose of this evening?"  "Oh," she said blinking, momentarily coming out of her baby-watching coma, "we're here for you."   "Yes.  And as such, I think we should take turns saying nice things about me.  Dee, you start."  With much prodding and only an occasional glance at the script I provided, my friends managed to scrape up a few non-insulting, only partially inappropriate comments to share.  My friend Amanda was the only one with the presence of mind to make up some truly heartfelt remarks. Finally it was my turn.  "My favorite thing about me," I announced grandly, "is that I have amazing friends who support me when I'm feeling frustrated or angry, worthless or alone.  I have friends who cheer me on, stand up for me, and stand by me.  I have friends that I love and trust.  I have friends that celebrate my good news and share their own."  I winked at Dee who had overheard part of mine and Sarah's whispered conversation and knew something was up.  "Speaking of good news,,," and then the room erupted in screams of delight and I was at last released from this tortuous truth-keeping trance.  

Did I mention that...

                     Sarah and Jonathan are having a baby!!!

Sharing Sarah's secret at the happiest place in Wyoming County:
The Charcoal Corral