Women of a certain age

Women of a certain age...exhibit grace and style and confidence.  Women of a certain age...inspire while eliciting admiration and envy.  Woman of a certain age...are showered with compliments. Women of a certain age...sprinkle their conversations with witty, relevant words such as neanimorphi, esprit d’escalier, lexiphanicism, leighster, and bladder control.  

The young women with whom I work regularly look to me for advice on fashion, relationships, and physical fitness.  I was recently the talk of the 5th and 6th grade when I turned the school corridor into an impromptu catwalk featuring my new sandals with the sporty big toe holsters.  I strengthen my friendships by taking note of every little thing they say...seriously, I take notes, have witnesses date and initial the unrealistic bold proclamations uttered by the bozos I work with (sorry Kelly) and then, a year later, pull them out with a flourish and lord it over them.  EXAMPLE #1:  "I will resume date night with my husband within three weeks of giving birth" (One year later...). EXAMPLE #2:  "My newborn baby will never share my bed..." (One year later...). Thank goodness I never record my own bozo-like bold proclamations.

Physical fitness becomes a matter of determined imagination and the employment of a creative regiment.  Women of a certain age such as the three Jens (Aniston, Garner and McCarthy) and Amy Mosiman learn to work in harmony with the human form, surpassing the limitations of the physical dimension.  Intuition takes precedence over societal expectations.  Is that a sneeze coming on? With the precision and subtlety of a prima ballerina, a leg is gracefully lifted and assumes the highly technical dance position of croisé to accommodate the rising rush of the feminine tide. An anticipated cough is addressed by swiftly assuming a seated position; a regal bearing offsetting the waves of conflicting emotion surging within.  After age 40, unbridled laughter erupts from the waist.  The term, "sidesplitting laughter" was derived by discreet women of a certain age.  Bent over in laughter as we are, appearing to clutch at our sides when, in fact, those particular muscles are not being utilized at all.  Women of a certain age exercise their minds and muscles in a much more mature fashion when they are finally freed from the natural laws of gravity and elasticity. They learn to truly "go with the flow."