Take-Your-Mom-to-College-Day

It was Take-Your-Mom-to-College-Day at the University of Buffalo. Or so I had Sydney fooled into thinking as I handed her a Lunchable as we headed out the door this morning. My big plan was to discreetly find a little cubby hole and lie low during her day just so she would have a friendly, familiar face on campus. I didn't want her to feel alone and afraid.

First thing on the agenda was to re-adjust her schedule. Despite our arriving almost an hour before admissions officially opened, our new, fashionably dressed friend "Bernadette" ushered us into her office with a welcoming smile and managed to not outwardly judge us at all. "Don't worry," I hissed at Sydney, "everyone will just think that I'm an adult learner." "Yeah Mom," Sydney replied, walking faster, "your gi-normous camera bag doesn't give you away at all." As Sydney's first class was across campus, I inquired about the handy shuttle system. Bernadette waved a slender, muscled arm gracefully and dismissively in the air. "You don't need the shuttle," she poo-pooed, "the class is but a brisk 7-minute walk from here."

Mission accomplished, Sydney and I began our journey after receiving more encouraging advice from a helpful crossing guard with awesome day-glo yellow sneakers that looked like she was wearing tennis balls on her feet. After accepting our many compliments about her fashionable footwear, she wrinkled her face in horror when she heard our plan for the brisk 7-minute walk. "You should take a leisurely 5-minute stroll down this sidewalk to the shuttle," she suggested but we really felt that we owed it to Bernadette to make an effort.

We arrived, sweating and exhausted, nearly 12 minutes later. Sydney found me a little cubby hole where I felt alone and afraid until her class was over. She kept me in the loop via text message prior to her class beginning:

Sydney:  Have succeeded...now a pretend TA (teacher's assistant).

Mom: (eating her first pack of fruit gummies) Have you been mistaken for a collegiate professional?(Sydney learned to "dress for success" from my friend Sarah who gave her Grandma Glo's opinions about the repercussions of wearing pajamas to the SATs or the benefits of dressing professionally.)

Sydney:  One person in here with me. Currently choosing to pretend I'm not here.

Mom:  (eating reserved pack of gummies that was to be saved for emergencies) Be friendly...bubbly and chatty...."So...oo...where're ya from (toss toss)" (Reference to Ga-linda from "Wicked")

Sydney:  I already did my best "thank God I'm not the only one in here!" (blink blink)

Mom:  (Nibbling string cheese) Smile encouragingly and point out the interesting achicetual points of the building. Did he notice the Greek columned entrance to the department offices? Couldn't figure out how to spell "architectural" until just now (flip, flip, toss, toss) (Accidentally combining "Wicked" reference with "Elle's" bend and snap from Legally Blonde).

Sydney:  I would sound so cool! Now a friendly person has entered. Will try again...

Mom: (searching for food and panicking upon discovery that camera bag now only contains a camera):  Turn off that awful door-knocking text feature and you might have a shot. Remember that you are a fascinating person with a lot to offer but humble enough to be interested in the lives of the common folk.  

As I didn't sleep well last night (imagining Sydney, alone and afraid), I was a little loopy which lends itself to uncontrollable fits of laughter. Bout of giggling #1 occurred during my first photo of Syd against a wall where I walked closer and closer to her to frame her in the shot. She was practically nose to lens when she gently commented, "You do realize, don't you mother, that your camera has zoom." Bout #2 coincided with our ordering of another over-$6-beverage (...and you scoffed at the Lunchable, didn't you?). While I don't remember what set off my round of guffawing, I can tell you that it ended abruptly when I inadvertently elbowed a fellow Jamba Juice fan in the face while wrestling for my completed order. I didn't get to the public pee-er, the one-legged seagull or what I now like to call "The Fiasco at the Library," but it was a long day and I am emotionally wrought. The first day of school is so draining.