Wyoming County Fair: Security Detail

I don't like to brag about my selfless volunteer efforts but today I really went above and beyond so, in the hopes that this little anecdote might inspire others, I will momentarily shine the spotlight on myself. Of all the attractions at Wyoming County Fair such as the Win-a-Temporarily-Alive-Goldfish game, the Rupture-Your-Eardrums-While-Choking-on-Smoke-and-Dust tractor pulls, figuring out how the magic Culligan water faucet works opportunity all while consuming every ingenious product made from maple syrup, perhaps the most popular is the School Projects Exhibition Building. The resulting high traffic and public demand makes it necessary to put specially-trained personnel in place to ensure maximum enjoyment.

That's where my friend Geri and I come in. Initially, we'd signed up for the daunting task of set-up. This involves a LOT of upper body strength as well as super-gripping power while one endlessly staples thousands of priceless student art to gnarly wood walls for hours. Sadly, a scheduling conflict prevented us from fulfilling this obligation but we quickly switched over to the security detail which demands a keen eye and diplomatic demeanor. Guarding "Van Goes" is not as easy as you might think. Aside from maple sugar sticky fingers, the school project security team must fend off over-eager moms who would think nothing of ripping their little darlings' art projects right out of the gnarly wall. Vandalism is a constant concern...mostly from competing schools. Sharpies, silly string, spray paint and temporary tattoos are immediately confiscated.

Toward the end of our grueling two hour shift, Geri and I planted ourselves at the entrance to the School Projects Exhibition Building to provide an intimidating presence. Pulled by a pug, fellow fair-goers sat on the neighboring bench. In the spirit of "the grass is always greener," the pug decided to take a lap...mine. While he wheezed at me, I explained that he was ruining my fierce fair "cred." Fortunately, our friend MJ was approaching to relieve us. "Hey, nice tattoos, girls," she said as I pulled the pug from my pants and prepared to depart for the french fry stand (the second most popular attraction at the fair). We were just handing MJ an up-dated computer read-out of recent school project viewing activities as well as police sketches of several questionable characters when a voice cried out from the core of the School Projects Exhibition Building. "Help! Someone drew Sharpie mustaches on the Mona Lisa portraits from Pioneer Central!"  Unfortunately, Geri and I had been swept up into the crowd so were unable to lend MJ support  in solving this perplexing problem. French fries and hot dog in hand, Geri and I congratulated ourselves on a job well done. Volunteering is so rewarding.