The Bible: brought to you by Amy Mosiman

Everybody's a critic but seriously...in church? As usual, my bangs were absolutely refusing to cooperate and I rightfully worried about them distracting the parishioners from the message. Entrusted with the sacred responsibility of reading Psalm 13 today, I had dutifully practiced. Facing my audience, I introduced my assigned passage and, with eyes sweeping from pew to pew, solemnly read, stumbling only once, repressing a string of profanity caused by my blunder, and concluded with a demure smile before returning to my seat.

My family refrained from ripping me apart until the ride home. "You were honored to be reading pa-salm 13," I was mocked, questioningly. "Why are you so serious...that's not you," I was informed while I indignantly responded by saying that I certainly wasn't going to deliver lines like Lucille Ball. I suppose this constructive criticism is founded in love. I have read-aloud my way from New York to Iowa more times than I can count and I state proudly that one of my greatest achievements is having read aloud the Harry Potter series, in its entirety, to my children. My family takes great delight in my accents which vary from reading to reading. Hagrid, the beloved caretaker of Hogwarts, could sport a southern, British and occasionally, Jamaican accent depending on my level of ability that day. Apparently my western accent is particularly compelling as Brad delighted in my reading of Gary Paulsen's Mr. Tuckett books. "That's just it," I explained, "I am also in character when I read the bible. I can't read it like a clown." "You're not the Pope either," came the muttered response.

Brad was struck with an epiphany as we were grocery shopping. "Winston Churchill," he exclaimed. "You should read the bible like you're Winston Churchill!" I threw a box of fudge pops in the grocery cart and glared at him. I ignored any subsequent suggestions and went home to take a nap. To further prove her point, Savannah popped in "The King's Speech." I closed my eyes and hoped that my bangs hadn't interfered too much with God's word today.