Amy Mosiman: Noted Classroom Disciplinarian

Beating the winter blahs is always a battle. But when a bout of winter blahs blasts a classroom...watch out! Last week was a series of students climbing the walls, me ripping out my hair and a LOT of screaming. I don't remember now if it was me screaming or the kids. Probably a combination of both. Fall and Spring are pretty manageable because I can threaten them with recess. But what can you do during the winter months with a teacher who refuses to venture out in any weather lower than 74 degrees?  Imposing mentally-applied corporal punishment upon wayward students is not effective (unless you buy my soon-to-be-best-selling e-book "Ten Techniques of Effectively Applying Mentally-Applied Corporal Punishment in the Classroom"). "What is she doing," one kid whispered, observing me staring intently at the ceiling, my lips silently moving in either supplication or voo doo curse. "She is mentally clobbering us," her friend wisely replied. My classroom lacked discipline. But suddenly it was as plain as the nose on a snowman's face. I needed a carrot. Or, if I worked in a wealthier school district, an Apple.

We immediately implemented fifteen minutes of "Tablet Time" daily for hard-working, respectful, responsible children. "Does Room 24 actually have any hard-working, respectful, responsible children," I asked, peering under a kidney table hopefully in search on one. "Who do you think you are, Mrs. Mosiman...Diogenes?" one smart-aleck-y scholar inquired. "Do you see this board," I yelled rhetorically, slapping the dry erase board. (Check out my soon-to-be-released, award-winnable e-book: "Why Do You Ask Rhetorical Questions?") "Tomorrow, there will be a Magic Box on it! And in that Magic Box will be TEN golden coins! And every time you are ridiculously off-task, emit sound decibels rivaling LaGuardia's runway on Thanksgiving Eve, slide across Room 24 on your knees like a professional air guitarist or just bug me in general--I will..." (GIANT PAUSE) (Also soon to be released in e-book form:  "Your Silence Can Speak Volumes:  Never Admit That You Don't Know The Difference Between Volume and Capacity.") (GIANT PAUSE continued as the students speculate a fate worse than mentally-applied corporal punishment)..."I will...remove a golden coin!" GASP!!!!!! "And if you lose all of your Magic Coins...you lose (da...da...da...dum)...Tablet Time!" Oh the humanity!!!

I never anticipated that my new discipline program would be so thrilling to the children. Naturally, by the following morning, I had forgotten all about it. But before the third kid had crossed the threshold of Room 24, a perspective artist had already drawn the magic box on the board. A trio of crafters requested a glue gun and some gold paper before happily constructing some coins. We started our first lesson of the day and the usual side-conversations were hushed with frantic concern: "Shhh...she'll take away a magic coin." Oh my goodness...this was working. It didn't take me long to get power-hungry. "You can't take away a coin for my not having a pencil," an insurrectionist insisted. "Are you being insubordinate?" I growled, reaching for another coin as the class cowered in fear. So you may be wondering...exactly how many times has Room 24 lost their Tablet Time? Well...never. But only because I forget to take away coins. Thank goodness the kids remind me. (See my soon-to-be-released e-book: "Addressing Classroom Discipline Plans:  Of the Children, By the Children and For the Children.")