"Sarong" that it's gotta be right

Being a teacher at my school is NOT easy. My entire corridor oozes haute couture. The lovely ladies (and two dashing gentlemen) who inhabit my hallway are stylish and trendy and old-school cool. I, on the other hand, find the gentle swish of my beige corduroys comforting and love any shirt that envelopes me like a Snuggie. Make-up for me is a battered Blistex. The closest I get to nail polish is when I accidentally write on myself with a Sharpie (sometimes it's colored though!).

Tall boots. Flared skirts with accentuating leggings. Scarves that wrap poetically around the wearer like (real) whipped cream...sigh. I have a Ghostbusters key-chain dangling from my lanyard as accessorizing jewelry and am the proud collector of a wide variety of animal-themed socks to accentuate my otherwise redundant wardrobe.

When I found the SCARF-TO-END-ALL-SCARVES in Connecticut, I thought to myself, This is my chance! I snapped it up...plotting and planning the killer ensemble with which to wow my fellow workers. I wonder if I should iron this, I debated, holding up my very wrinkled plum/magenta/pinkish/sorta red blouse. Naw, I decided, everyone will be so entranced by my new scarf that they won't even notice. I watched a video on "101 Ways To Tie a Scarf" and then spent an hour practically strangling myself before going with the classic Red Baron-style. Excited, I walked faster all day to allow my scarf to flow freely behind me for dramatic effect.

After school, I was walking down my hallway and encountered a former student who complimented my stylish scarf. I unraveled it so that she could examine the pattern and then proceeded on my way. Cruel and mocking laughter soon stopped me short. "Are you modeling a scapron," one colleague inquired. "You could market it on "Shark Tank," he suggested, "Half-scarf, half-apron."  I was confused. My (former) friend Geri added, "If you were going for Parisian elegance, you failed." I glanced down and, to my horror, realized that my beautiful and fashionable scarf was still unwrapped and clinging to the front of my body like a sarong. Once again...I was a fashion disaster. "Actually," my (former) friend Sarah corrected, "You veered off-course the minute you thought that a dachshund-patterned scarf qualified as the SCARF-TO-END-ALL-SCARVES." Despite this set-back, I have not completely fallen off the fashion horse... although I would contend that I have certainly slipped off the saddle. I wonder how my scarf would look coupled with my beige corduroy pants?