Birthdays: You just can't escape them

 What else would a group of highly educated, sophisticated, world-wise women do on a Sunday afternoon to celebrate the birth of a trio of water-bearing Aquarians? Discuss great literature? Solve complicated math proofs? Conduct innovated science experiments?

No.

To celebrate my, Geri, and Kelly's birthdays, we went to an Escape Room. Have you heard of these? There is one featured on an episode of "The Big Bang Theory" where the geniuses solve it and escape in, like, thirty seconds. That was NOT us.

We should have been cut from the herd out there in the waiting room. Kelly was discussing a 2011 movie that she's just seen called "Jane Eyre." Geri casually asked, "Who was Jane Eyre?" to which Kelly launched into a complicated character biography beginning with, "Have you heard of an author named Charlotte Bronte?" "I know who Jane Eyre is," Geri snapped while the rest of us howled in laughter, "Who was the ACTRESS who played Jane Eyre?"

And from such auspicious beginnings as this...naturally we were doomed to fail. "Wait!" interrupted my friend Katie, "I've successfully escaped from two rooms before this!" She's right. Apparently the qualifications of failure specifically target 4th grade teachers.

According to our very kind and patient room host (whose livelihood depends on repeat customers and word-of-mouth recommendations), our failure wasn't linked to intelligence rather than neatness. Neatness?!?!? We diligently searched every nook and cranny of the room but made sure that we replaced every item precisely as we found it. Every book on the bookshelf was removed, leafed through, and replaced. In fact, Geri, as an added bonus, might have even re-cataloged them according to the Dewey Decimal system.

I don't know, though. At one point, we were deliberating a clue and our stream of consciousness conversation led us from the letter "U" to the animal. We rushed across the room to a group of animal figurines. One of us, apparently drowning in the stream of consciousness, looked on, confused until suddenly shouting, "Oh! A ewe is a sheep!" Sigh.

So...long story short, we had to be rescued from our escape room. Fortunately, we had planned a trip

Photograph taken by sweet waitress of whom I later ripped off

to our favorite restaurant as a back up to either celebrate or commiserate.  Our success there was also limited. Taking a bite, Geri remarked, "This tastes fishy." Glancing at her friend, Rachel sought further clarification. "Do you mean fishy or suspicious," she asked.

I was handed the bill.

Oh my.

I'm going to blame the margarita but I didn't realize until the middle of the night that I'd shorted our very kind and patient waitress (whose livelihood depends on tips) by half. Hours later, I bolted up in bed, horror-stricken. My husband reassured me that he would drop off the remainder of the tip tomorrow but long I lay awake in bed afterward, composing a heartfelt apology.

Did you know that some people just celebrate their birthdays with a card? Never-mind...that didn't go so well either. So much for highly educated, sophisticated, and world-wise.