"My eyes are up here"-Halloween 2018

What is a girl to do when she is surrounded, on all sides, by perversion? How am I to maintain my pure heart and innocent spirit when those around me cast lecherous lassos of debauchery, attempting to ensnare me; pulling me down to their own depths of depravity.

Sigh.

What is wrong with this world that a girl can't hot-glue a couple of large white orbs with black painted tips onto her chest and then parade around a crowded gymnasium without fear of judgement?  Madonna did it. Brittany. Katie Perry. The Lady Gaga. I'm in prestigious company here.

I did have a few moments where I questioned my choice of costume design. I noticed several members of the teaching staff had trouble making eye contact with me while I was in character. And my 4th graders, delighted with my outfit, kept asking what the eyes were made of and wanted to touch them. Naked truth here: At 48, there is NO WAY that my actual "eyes" would be so perkily positioned so I grit my teeth and allowed my budding optometrists to examine the styrofoam material.

Judgment, in the form of social media, followed me home, questioning my right to choose (a costume). I have to admit, however, that the biggest wound to my pride came when one kid asked if I was Rizzo the Rat from the Muppets. That kid definitely needed to get his eyes checked!