You know how you're standing there in the store, in a cash-out coma, swaying in a state of uncertainty and fear, catching the occasional purchase in your peripheral? Hypnotized by Hershey Bars, I received a jolt of reality when I saw $8.99 flash across the register. Wait. Did I buy a fancy meat? A merlot? A crustacean? Did I accidentally purchase a pack of generic cigarettes?No.
I bought a greeting card.
No. It wasn't obnoxiously over-sized. It didn't play an annoying tune. No head-ache-inducing hologram. There wasn't a confetti cannon. The card I chose didn't even have a cute puppy on the cover. Or a sparkly unicorn. It was coated in a crushed velvet material. AND it was composed of recycled material. It used two different fonts.
I didn't know what to do. I was emotionally-paralyzed. What was I going to say? "I've decided my mother isn't worth $8.99," I'd announce with conviction, "Please remove her birthday card from my bill." Then I'd toss a few Hershey Bars on the counter.
I am not a greeting card consumer. With the exception of sympathy cards, I typically make my own cards. It's more personal and often a platform for inappropriate language. Hence, my self-imposed exception of sympathy cards. Although I did once make a bunny bereavement card. Which makes me now wonder about that crushed velvet material. Rabbit fur would be worth $8.99. Would that be considered recycled material?
I would like to start an up-rising. Or my own greeting card company.I would just need some customer testimonials.
"My personalized Amy Mosiman card touched me emotionally while insulting me on a superficially surface-level."
"While not folded precisely, my personalized Amy Mosiman card had heart, humor, and the f~ word used in a somewhat relevant way."
"I was only moderately offended by my personalized Amy Mosiman card."
And from such auspicious beginnings, do revolutions arise.
This Greeting Card Revolution was made especially for you by Amy Mosiman...who cared enough to send the very best.
That was hilarious...
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