Getting an assist in behavior management

Ask any teacher, the last few weeks leading to Christmas are soul-suckingly indescribable. "What are we doing?" one of my 9-year-old scholars asked on Tuesday, December 11th when I instructed them to turn to page 47 in their math textbook. "We're factoring to determine which numbers are composite versus prime," I explained, confused. "But it's almost Christmas," came the answering whine. Oh boy.

I have a built-in ten minutes of recess loosely scheduled every day with the numbers 10-1 written vertically on my dry erase board. Students can earn and lose recess minutes based on their behavior and my mood. Let's just say that, yesterday, the children were introduced to negative numbers. "Say Santa again," I snarled, holding the eraser threateningly over my head.

Classroom management in December is considered an oxymoron. But we still try. While shopping solo a little while ago, I'd stumbled into a Five Below store. Apparently, my husband has been lying to me for years, telling me that it sold cheap clothes costing five dollars or less. For a teacher, stepping across the threshold of a Five Below store is like a five-year-old busting through a turnstile at Disney. I immediately grabbed a giant package of candy buttons before filling my arms with fifty dollars worth of useless garbage. Case-in-point: Basketball head. I admit it. I squealed when I saw it. Not only did the box contain the net apparatus that you strap attractively to your head, it also included twenty colorful balls. Twenty. Guess how many students I have? Yeah. TWENTY. Obviously...this was ordained by God.

Naturally there were doubters. How was this FIVE DOLLAR item going to positively affect my behavior management plan for a month already spiraling out of control? I wrote each student's name on their colorful ball which had to be in their possession each time we lined up in the hall. I QUICKLY learned to say "colorful ball" because yelling "Grab your balls" in a 4th grade classroom doesn't sound very lady-like. If anyone uttered a sound as we traversed to our destination, they relinquished their colorful ball, losing their chance to try and either (A) Shoot a basket or (B) Hit the classmate wearing the net apparatus in the face at the end of the day. If you made a basket, you didn't have to complete that night's math worksheet. If you hit your pal in the face...well, that was reward enough.

And for two weeks, it has worked. I have one more day of school remaining before break and then I'll retire baskethead until next year. It's always better to leave them wanting more. I'm sure when they return following their Christmas vacation, they will be feeling refreshed and revived...eager to learn. Oh my goodness, I am SO tired. I'm delusional. An anonymous Christmas elf slipped me twenty dollars to spend on the betterment of my classroom. At this point, that could mean Five Below or tequila.