Stuff it, Santa! Stop being nice to me!

 Turns out that I am just as bad a gift-receiver as I am a gift-giver. My face never knows what to do. I am awkward and seemingly ungracious when faced with a present. "Seemingly?" Brad scoffed.

Again. Not his blog.

I am aware that I have control issues. "Really?" My husband asked incredulously.

Shhhhhhh.

But there is nothing worse than the one-sided gift-exchange. "Oh! Something for me! How thoughtful and selfless and kind! Here is NOTHING in return!"

Is it selfless? Is it? IS IT!?!?!

How DARE you think of me! How dare you buy/make me something that you think I would like and appreciate. Curses!

But IS there anything worse than the one-sided gift-exchange? I wouldn't have thought so until...I was TORMENTED by the anonymous one-sided gift-exchange this year!!!

I abhor the Secret Santa...believing that it spreads a candy cane-like contagion rather than good cheer. Secret Santa festers in dark places...sneaking thin, Christmas-themed socks onto your desk, hiding inappropriately-shaped holiday chocolates in your filing cabinet, tucking snarky coffee mugs into your bag. No, I state decisively. Secrets and surprises are Satan's stocking stuffers.

So imagine my dismay when I discovered, tucked around my dachshund-themed nativity adorning my hallway cubbies, the addition of a beautifully-crafted dachshund ornament. What is this? I wondered, much as the Wise-men must have marveled at the sudden appearance of that star. I glanced up and down the corridor, hoping to catch a glimpse of my kind benefactor so that I might thank him/her. I then began a massive man-hunt that would make Tommy Lee Jones look like he was trying to track down tube socks rather than the fugitive. I conducted a large-scale investigation, questioned possible suspects, attempted to access the school security system...but to no avail.

And then ANOTHER ornament arrived. Snicker-doodle and ginger snap! Please excuse my language. "Can I borrow your trail-cam?" I asked Brad. He frowned, like I was asking to use a hammer. "Can't you just enjoy that someone is being nice to you?" he asked. I thought about it. No.

Then an envelope arrived. Good! DNA! Fingerprint analysis! Then I realized that the two cases were not related (except there are, apparently, TWO wackos out there who SELFISHLY enjoy making others happy.). I was overwhelmed. It was crushing...this much love. I didn't deserve it. All I ever do is complain and make sarcastic remarks.

Another day dawned. Clean slate. I could maybe go back to the business of being miserable. And...if I was lucky, making others a little bit miserable with me.

But, no. Could it be? ANOTHER dachshund ornament? I had never verbalized my secret dream of

one day festooning my fir with my favorite furry friend. Boughs bending beneath the weight of whimsical dachshund ornaments. The tree twinkling from the glow of tiny dachshund lights. A dachshund angel atop the tannenbaum.

Thank you, dear friends, for reminding me that Christmas is not a time of "deserves." Certainly NONE of us deserved the great Gift of that first Christmas. And none of us has "deserved" any gift that came after. I am a whiny, complain-y, selfish, and sarcastic woman...undeserving but blessed...incredibly blessed with loving friends. Thank you.