Part III (and the conclusion) of the Stupidity Mini-Series

I'm actually feeling a bit better about this particular tale of stupidity given what JUST happened to me, not five minutes ago. My friend, Kelly suddenly bursts into the room, completely disgusted and announces, "Amy! You are NOT going to believe what I just found in the bathroom!" Spoiler alert: ANY story that starts like that is NEVER good. I braced myself before responding with the obligatory "What?" She shook her long brown hair, frazzled. "Someone left a long dump in the toilet..." she shuddered before continuing, "and there wasn't any paper in the bowl." Ugh. thanks for the visual, Kel. But she wasn't done. "Wanna come see?" she asked, apparently needing a corroborative witness to the horror she had so recently undergone. Are you kidding me? NO!

My final installment of stupidity also takes place in the potty but pales in comparison to Kelly's story so I am feeling so relieved (hee hee) that, although my story is stupid...it is NOT gross or unhygienic.

So...there I was...engaged in a brief moment of meditative reflection when I noticed a piece of tape on my shoe. Peeling it off, I then leaned forward to place the piece of debris in the trash receptacle situated conveniently across from me. To my great alarm, my ID lanyard, that I wear faithfully around my neck each day, became hopelessly entangled in my...ahem...intimate garments. Panicked, I reared back like a trapped stallion, attempting to free myself from this compromising position. My friends were feet away, on the other side of the door, unaware that my life (and dignity) were in great peril. They chatted away while I battled the very forces of evil to extricate myself from being strangled to death by my own underwear. Should I shout for help? Would our trusty custodian, Joe arrive on scene to crowbar me out of my confinement? Or would it be...gasp...an administrator?  It felt like hours had passed when, in fact, it was more like fifteen seconds. But it felt like a lifetime to me. Finally...inspiration struck. I ducked my head and slipped the lanyard from behind my neck...heroically saving myself! What genius! Why am I NOT on the rescue squad?

Once I was back together, I stormed out of the restroom to confront the callus crowd congregating in the faculty room. "I almost died in there!" I announced semi-dramatically. "Did you have a tummy ache?" someone asked. "No!" I answered, indignantly, "My problem wasn't digestive..." Everyone let out a big sigh of relief, glancing at the bathroom door, standing ajar. I explained my predicament to my pals as a cautionary tale...a "Don't let this happen to you..." sort of lesson. "It would only happen to YOU," I was told heartlessly as they laughed heartily. "We solved the crime!" one sleuth said, "It was Mrs. Mosiman in the bathroom with a noose!"  I couldn't even try to defend myself. In this particular case...I was pretty clueless.