Feeling like an "outtie"-sider

I'm not looking for sympathy right now...ok, that's a total lie. I am desperately seeking sympathy right now.  My self-esteem took another blow to the head today and, to be honest, I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.  It started back in my early middle school years when I was sporting a cute little bikini at a friend's house when her father insensitively offered his unsolicited opinion that girls with "outie" belly-buttons shouldn't expose their midriffs. I was devastated...viewing my bulbous belly-button as a blemish and hiding it forever from public view.

Later, when I was in my twenties, I was asked at a group gathering to share what I thought was my best physical feature. Without even having to think about it, I said, "My slender, swan-like neck," and then stared in confusion as my friends responded by laughing hysterically. I remember feeling along the length of my neck to encounter, for the first time, the beginning of a flabby wattle. Here began my obsession with turtle-neck sweaters.

I entered my thirties cautiously. Who would have suspected that Christmas, the season of peace, would become the next setting for targeting my self-worth? Surrounded by friends and family, I stretched out my legs on the living room floor, crossing my ankles as we prepared to open presents. One party-goer, pausing to admire my form, took this moment to compliment me on my "peasant" ankles. What? I was confused. I had always prided myself on having dainty, gazelle ankles. Asking for clarification was a stupid move as the adjectives "thick" and "sturdy" were added. From this point on, I would publicly apologize if my ankles escaped from their sock holsters.

And today? My forty-three-year-old sensibilities had never once considered to ponder the beauty components of the human tongue. The armor of which I have had myself wrapped since I was twelve did not include a mouth guard. I was unprepared for my family's reaction when I stuck my tongue out. A comparison using "bologna" is never complimentary. It never occurred to me that a person could have an attractive tongue or an unattractive tongue. Obviously licking my lips is a thing of the past. Lollipops and popsicles are off the menu. How long have I been offending others with my thick-slab deli meat of a tongue?

My self-perception is seriously out-of-whack to the point of my being delusional. I want to be cute, I do but that just might not be in the cards for me. I'm terrified of turning fifty because the only think that I really have left are my adorable ear lobes. If you have anything to say about them, kindly wait for, at least, the next seven years.  Words are so powerful.  I wish I could go back in time to empower a twelve-year-old girl with the ability to flip off a sceevy adult male who shouldn't have been commenting on the body of a minor. That moment triggered a life-long hyper-sensitivity in woman who can find practically anything funny except for her thick, peasant ankles, flabby turkey neck and bologna tongue. Leave my ear lobes alone, people!