A public service announcement on how to avoid "Monkey Arm"

So, there I was, happily watching the latest theatrical installment of "The Hunger Games" series, blissfully unaware that my life was about to be forever altered.  I was staring unblinkingly at the big screen, my mouth filled with super-extra buttered buttery popcorn, on the edge of my seat as driver's side mirror character Peeta is about to be dog-piled by a band of vicious monkeys. I've read Catching Fire. Multiple times, in fact. I know about the monkeys. There are no surprises here yet I was still startled when, teeth bared, the baboon burst into view. I jerked back, popcorn flying everywhere while the monkey and I howled in unison. Later, when the pain subsided and the movie was over, I was able to piece together what had happened. Obviously, the rapid withdrawal of my arm from the popcorn box, accelerated by the slick sheen of lubrication resulting from the massive layers of artificial butter, triggered by the sudden and terrifying presence of a mad monkey caused the brachial plexus to fail to "flexus" properly. This condition, now known as "Monkey Arm," has greatly reduced my ability to make wide-sweeping grand gestures. Three minutes of extensive internet research has revealed that my upper arm pain may be indicative of more serious problems such as gall bladder issues, acid reflux or the diabetes. To address the situation, I am avoiding smoking, getting plenty of rest and encouraging Brad to massage my arm hourly. To avoid this situation in the future (preventative maintenance), I am considering altering my popcorn order from super-extra buttered buttery popcorn to just extra buttered buttery popcorn. It's a sacrifice, true, but this is about my health.