Did you say "Garage Band" or "Garbage Band"?

Avid fans of my blog ("Hi Mom!") are already well-versed with my not-so-secret fantasy to be part of a band, but I'm not sure my well-meaning school music director has a full grasp of what I actually mean by "band." Every few years, I am enthusiastically asked to perform in the "Garage Band" ensemble to accompany the 5th and 6th grade orchestra. By the way, I know that the term "orchestra" is inaccurate due to the lack of string instruments but there are a surprising lack of synonyms for the word "band" out there so, if you are one to enjoy word variety in your reading, then deal with it.

So, a group of teachers are handed sheet music and power tools...sounds like the opening line to a naughty joke, doesn't it? Well...let me tell you:  It was no joke. Half of us couldn't read music. Half of that half couldn't keep time. and all of us didn't appreciate being referred to as "tools" by the conductor. Turns out that I fit into each category!

So...what do I bring to the table that I am in such hot demand to be part of the Garage Band? Well, for one thing, I didn't yell at the children during practice like my friend, Geri who honestly wanted to perform professionally on her hand-held cordless drill. Wait, make that MY hand-held cordless drill. Second, I wasn't perpetually late like my friends, Amy, who manned the reciprocating saw, (Hold on...MY reciprocating saw) and Mandy, who played the hammer (Uh-huh, you guessed it). And third, I was instrumental in procuring the necessary equipment for a successful "Garage Band." "Wait," interrupted Brad Mosiman, "who was instrumental? When is the last time you've used ANY of those tools for anything other than props in a band concert?" Sigh.

Other than Amy blowing all of our sheet music from their stands in one powerful burst of the reciprocating saw...which didn't bother me a bit because I play by ear..."No," corrected Mandy, "You play when I nudge you that it's your turn to bang the hammer on the wood five times."...we did okay. The band almost broke up over a heated wardrobe dispute: professional dress versus Village People but we managed to hold it together for the sake of our craft (oh yeah...and for the children.). It was a glorious success. It was said that we were quite inspirational. In fact I heard someone comment how, upon our leaving the stage after our seated ovation, that the children had never sounded better.