Measuring Up

The pinnacle achievement of every teacher is to be compared, even remotely, to elementary teacher Becky Kelleher.  Becky Kelleher, who greets each student warmly each morning with a genuine smile and sends them off with a hearty handshake.  Becky Kelleher, who fills her classroom with a giant inflatable astro-lab, transporting her students to a magical star-filled world.  Becky Kelleher, who houses baby chicks and crawfish between student desks, bringing the natural world into the academic realm.  Becky Kelleher, who sends greeting cards to students as they proceed forward into middle school and even into high school.  As her students graduate, a final card comes in the mail, filled with nostalgic pictures of their past together with a lovingly-written congratulatory note assuring students of Mrs. Kelleher's unshakable belief in their abilities and her confidence in their good character.  Becky Kelleher...Becky Kelleher...Becky Kelleher.  Sigh.

Occasionally, I rally and attempt to summit this seemingly impossible Everest of Achievement.  Unfortunately, it takes a LOT of effort.  My friend Kelly and I decided to team up and see if perhaps, in the great educator equation of life, two little teachers (no giggles, please) might equal a Becky Kelleher.  Last night, several students from our school were presenting in a 4-H Fashion Show.  Kelly and I rubbed our hands together with diabolical glee!  Here was our chance to shine!  To bolster our resolve, we met for pre-show icecream, Kelly's little honey, Jack enthusiastically covering her in Cherry-Berry Cooler.  We were so excited about this opportunity to appear even a quarter as fabulous as Becky Kelleher that we arrived a half hour early.  Kelly noted, with surprise, the marked lack of vehicles in the parking lot.  "What time does this start?" I asked, somewhat grumpily as my ice cream glow was beginning to wear off.  Thanks to Jack, Kel still had a strong rosy glow.  "I told you...7," she responded, a tad on the testy side for someone trying to appear wonderful.  We carried fifty pounds of Jack's required gear into the school only to learn that we had a wait on our hands.  Kelly occupied Jack with a slew of toys while attempting to distract and pacify me with complicated games on her fancy phone.

We were spotted by several of our students as they arrived.  No...it never even ONCE entered our minds that this was our chance.  Who would know, after the lights dimmed and the show began that two little teachers (remember, no giggling) ducked out to perhaps attend a post-icecream conference?  But that move has never been published in the Becky Kelleher playbook of recommended teacher practices.  One student scrambled over for a brief visit, interrupting Jack and I from our activities.  The young man needed a boost of confidence, nervous about his up-coming public performance.  Excellent, this was precisely why we were there!  I admired his hand-sewn pants with the practiced eye of someone who has never needled-up a day in her life.  "How cute," I squealed, "are you trying to look like a leprechaun? "   Confused, the 7th grader looked at the design I'd near-sightedly mistaken for green clovers.  "No, Mrs. Mosiman," he said, "the pattern is John Deere."  His confidence restored by this affirming conversation, mere minutes before he hit the big stage, our fashionable friend departed.

The show was a raving success.  Kel and I were a disaster.  I couldn't follow the plot, baby toys flew across the room, Kelly shoved me out of my chair to help a woman who'd fallen who didn't want my help, and we finally got kicked out because Jack wouldn't stop laughing.  I saw NOTHING in the fashion show storyline to induce such a reaction.  Was I missing something?  There was a lot of talk about invisible zippers.  Maybe Jack picked up on a subtle humor that I'd overlooked.  Irregardless, Kel and I definitely fell short of our goal.  During the post-icecream conference, we brainstormed our next expedition.  Our calculations were clearly faulty.  In order to measure up to Becky Kelleher, we might need to add another teacher or two.

Don't be fooled by his fashionable outfit,
 Jack was singularly responsible for getting us
kicked out of the 4-H Fashion Show.