Teacher Appreciation Dinner

The teacher appreciation and retirement recognition dinner was last night.  The five hour event was unfortunately cut short when the restaurant locked its doors and began shutting off the lights.  Apparently, we're quite the self-congratulatory group of people.  I watched, inspired, as my fellow honorees took the stage with grace and humility to thank those who had sacrificed for and supported them throughout the years.  I listened with admiration as they paid heartfelt tribute to God.  Finally, it was my turn.  About time!  My "friends" had spent countless hours brainstorming the perfect way to portray my exemplary professional skills.  "Amy Mosiman" impersonators caught me at my best...showing tasteless, unrelated Youtube videos to the children, watching "Big Bang" on the SMARTboard afterhours, bribing students constantly with candy and motivational tickets and prizes while continuously consuming Pepsi and chocolate.  And naturally, the condom story (see "The problem with prophylactics,"  4/23/2013) was featured predominantly throughout my "tribute."  When I was able to wrestle the microphone away from that pack of glory-hounds, I had to forego my meaningful speech about my family, friends, and faith and explain my side of the condom story.  Yes...while everyone else was quoting scripture and making thought-provoking biblical analogies, I came off sounding like a public service announcement delivered by Carrot Top.

The finale was truly inspiring.  "Thank you for coming, everyone," our emcee said, wrapping up the evening, "Thank you for coming and, if you don't mind, please clear your table before you leave."  A confused silence descended upon the room as we looked at one another to see if this was a joke.  Then I watched as our newly-appointed superintendence stood, and, without hesitating, began gathering up glasses.  Following her example, the room full of teachers bused tables, scraped plates, and stacked chairs.  There is a reason we are called public servants and it was the perfect way to end our evening of honoring teachers.