Self-diagnosis: Deep vein thrombosis

Without a word of complaint, I have traveled the seventeen hour drive to Iowa and back over twenty times.  Each journey had one crucial element in common:  strictly-scheduled rest-stops not to exceed fifteen minutes interspersed in eight hour intervals.  Consequently, the Mosiman women have developed bladders of steel.  Age forty, however, has found me faced with another problem.  Three hours cramped up in a car has me exiting the vehicle, hunched over, bow-legged and wincing in pain.  I associate it with my body refusing to give in any longer to completely unreasonable travel expectations.  Brad has grimly diagnosed me with deep vein thrombosis.  Ridiculous.  But, once the seed is planted...

Late at night, I stare up, out into the darkness, considering the ticking time-bomb that lurks within the vessels of my body...the missile, set to fire along inner passageways...the proton torpedo aiming for a direct hit upon my Death Star sweet spot.  To distract myself from my imminent end, I've composed a little song based on that Toby Keith classic "Red Solo Cup."  note from Brad Mosiman:  readers unfamiliar with this song may not reach the author's intended enlightenment.  "Everyone knows "Red Solo Cup," I argued, defending my illuminating parody.  "I don't," he replied, causing me to question the very foundation upon which my marriage has been established.  

Red throbbing veins
I'm in such pain
Deep vein thrombosis
Deep vein thrombosis

My leg's in such pain
Will I walk again
Deep vein thrombosis
Deep vein thrombosis

No high heeled shoes
A clot might cut loose
Deep vein thrombosis
Deep vein thrombosis

I can't seem to walk straight
It might be too late
Deep vein thrombosis
Deep vein thrombosis

Obviously, my skills as an amateur song writer need work and my self-diagnostic abilities may also be somewhat questionable.   Irregardless, I feel it is important to face my uncertain future with a song in my heart.  In the meantime, I'm trying to score an illegal prescription for fashionable compression hosiery for my next trip to Iowa.