Slip out the back, Jack

Let me just say right now that I have HAD IT with Jack.  Sure he's cute with his sweet little smile and his little baby fist pumps and wiggling his tiny little toes.  But guess what, everyone? He won't stay cute forever.  As his little baby bobble head eventually grows proportionally to the rest of his Cabbage Patch body, my darling little dachshund, Chloe will remain adorable forever.  What does Jack have ahead of him?  The terrible tantruming twos...that annoying "why?" stage...the twerpy tween years...awkward adolescence...his teens...Kelly has so much to look forward to.

Kelly, Jack, and I attended the 5th and 6th grade Spring Concert this evening.  We were housed inconspicuously in the sound and lighting room overlooking the auditorium.  Let me restate that.  I was housed inconspicuously in the sound and lighting room.  Kelly and Jack were installed like royalty, waving to the cheering peasants below. While I was busy tirelessly and selflessly video-taping the evening's performance as per the band director's request, Jack was trashing the room like a rock star.  During intermission, Kel scooped up her son and dashed down the stairs to greet their adoring public.  "Amy!" she shouted over her shoulder, "Are you coming?  Someone has to take pictures!"  Someone sighed, grabbed her camera (shocker:  Kelly had forgotten hers), and set about the business of documenting Jack's every movement.

I watched with a weary fascination as Jack's fans clapped when he blew kisses, when he stood on shaky legs, when he mooed.  I wanted to scream.  "C'mon, folks!  Wake up!  He's a two-trick toddler, for pete's sake!"  Chlo has at least ten quality tricks in her current repertoire.  After significant effort, we managed to drag Jack away from the pulsating pull of his people.  To avoid further delay in making a hasty get-away, we kept to darkened corridors and headed for a back exit.  Exhausted, I hung up my paparazzi hat and assumed my other duty of lugging Jack's thousand pound baby bag out to the car.  I waved good-bye to my pint-sized pal and was unexpectedly rewarded with a heartfelt blown baby kiss.         Oh my goodness, Jack is the cutest kid EVER!!!